The idea that others saw in me someone who wasn’t the me I knew, someone that they could only know by looking at me from the outside, with eyes that weren’t mine, giving me an appearance destined to remain forever foreign to me, despite being inside me, despite being mine to them (meaning a “mine” that didn’t exist for me!), a life which, despite being mine for them, was one I couldn’t set foot in—this idea never gave me a moment’s peace.
