But It's Your Family . . .: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath

by Sherrie Campbell

However, with my daughter I see myself as playing two roles. One role is “mom.” When I am in the mom role, it is the more relaxed, playful, and joking part of our relationship where we can be friendly, lighthearted, and goofy. This role has many of the loving elements of friendship. The other role I play is “mother.” In the mother role, I am her leader, healer, mentor, disciplinarian, listener, nurturer, and solution-finder. The mother role is always present, even when I am in the mom role. My daughter, no matter how playful and goofy we are together, knows I am the governor of our dynamic with respect to me and the expectations I have of her as central to our relationship. I never want my daughter to view me as her equal since it gives her nowhere to turn when she’s in need of her mother.