But It's Your Family . . .: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath

by Sherrie Campbell

Toxic family abuse is always two-fold. The first layer of abuse is the original poor treatment by our toxic family members, namely our parents. The second layer is their denial of the ways in which they treat and harm us, irrespective of the evidence as it manifests in our behavior and in our tragically low levels of self-worth.

I have a toxic MIL - when explained that she insulted me for no reason or she did something my husband and I didn’t agree with, she feigns ignorance and says she doesn’t understand English well enough and has said something she didn’t mean- total bullshit but she will always do that to hide her “toxic persona” in front of other people when confronted

we choose to believe they don’t mean to treat us the way they do. When we rationalize and justify their mistreatment of us, it is called reverse projection.

My MIL recruits the other siblings- in this case her daughters to gossip, provide info and eventually abuse me as well! I call them her flying monkeys- not an original thought in their minds!

When our spouse complains to us about the poor treatment our toxic parents act out on them, our toxic parents will accuse our spouse of being too sensitive and making up things. In fact, they will pull out the manipulative techniques of projection and deflection and accuse our spouse of leaving them out, of making them feel unwelcomed, thereby scapegoating our spouse for all of their own behaviors.

So spot on I couldn’t have said it better- my husband doesn’t stand up to her on my behalf and it leads to a lot of anger and resentment bc he is her baby boy and now that we have two kids - I really am not needed- she has her son and her grandkids so why put up with me constantly calling out her abuses??

Our toxic family members would rather go to their grave than to admit wrong.

And they will- no guilt on my part!