How to Keep Your Cool: An Ancient Guide to Anger Management (Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers)

by Seneca

Let his diet be meager, his clothing modest, and his lifestyle equal to that of his peers. He won’t be angry at being compared with others if you’ve put him on a par with many from the outset.

So: since we ought to fight against first causes, the cause of anger is the sense of having been wronged; but one ought not to trust this sense.

Don’t make your move right away, even against what seems overt and plain; sometimes false things give the appearance of truth. One must take one’s time; a day reveals the truth. And don’t give accusers ready access to your ears, but take note of this flaw in human nature and always suspect it: what we hate to hear, we readily believe, and we grow angry before we use our judgment. Think then: what if we are driven to act, not by accusations, but by mere suspicions, and grow angry at the guiltless because we read the worst into someone’s facial expression or laughter?

A punishment that’s delayed can still be imposed, but once imposed, it can’t be withdrawn.

It is sick people, those of weak constitutions, whom a gentle breeze makes shiver; it is those with eye problems who are disturbed at seeing brightly colored clothes; those spoiled by luxury whose sides ache after doing unaccustomed work.

Nothing nurtures anger so much as luxury that lacks restraint and can’t stand setbacks. The mind must be roughly treated so that it does not feel any blows except the heavy ones.

To get angry at things that are not alive is the mark of a madman, just as it is to get angry at dumb animals that do us no wrong (because they can’t have that desire; there’s no wrong done if it doesn’t proceed from an intent).

Let’s not be angry at good people, for who will we not be angry at, if we rage at the good?

We hold the flaws of others before our eyes but turn our backs toward our own.

Delay is the greatest remedy for anger. Ask of your anger, at the outset, not to grant forgiveness but to exercise judgment. Its first impulses are harsh ones; it will relent if it waits. And don’t try to get rid of it all at once; it will be wholly defeated if it is carved away by pieces.

Truth gets shinier the more frequently it is handled.

We think things undeserved if they were unanticipated, and so those that happen contrary to our hopes and expectations disturb us most of all; there’s no other reason why the smallest problems in our home life offend us, and we call “wrong” an oversight committed by a friend.

It’s an atrocity to harm one’s country, and thus to harm any citizen, for he is a part of one’s country. The parts of a thing are sacred, if the whole is deserving of reverence. Thus it’s a sin to harm any human being, for that person is a citizen in your larger “city.” How would it be if your hands wanted to harm your feet, or your eyes to harm your hands? Just as all the limbs operate in harmony with one another, since the whole benefits from the preservation of the parts, so human beings keep from harming individuals, since they are created for unity; society cannot be kept intact except by care and love of its constituent pieces.

We must, then, hold back our anger, whether the one who needs to be taken on is our equal, our better, or our inferior. To fight with an equal is a chancy affair; with a better, insane; with an inferior, tawdry.

It has reached the point that some call wrathfulness a sign of honesty, and the one who submits to anger is widely considered a very free spirit.

Let’s make an effort not to feel wronged, since we don’t know how to bear that feeling.

Whenever an argument goes on too long and gets heated, we should stop it at the outset before it gathers steam. A dispute feeds on itself and grabs hold of those who are mired in it. It’s easier to keep aloof from a fight than to extricate oneself.

It’s easy to detect when one’s emotions first arise, since the hallmarks of the ailments precede them. Just as the warning signs of a storm or a rainfall precede it, similarly there are advance signals of anger, love, and all those whirlwinds that disturb our minds.

One thinks it an injury to be asked for something; another, an insult not to be asked. People are not all wounded in the same spot. It behooves you to know what part of you is vulnerable so you can protect it most of all.

It doesn’t matter how an injury was done, but how it was received.

Struggle against yourself; if [you want] to conquer anger, you can’t allow it to conquer you.

the greatest punishment of a wrong that’s been committed is having committed it.55 No one suffers a weightier consequence than those who are handed over to the torture of regret.