More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Don’t get me started on how black you are. I want to say something, but what? That I think I’m cute? ’Cause I’m not. That I have good hair? ’Cause I don’t. That I’m not dark? ’Cause I am.
I would’ve asked for lemons, if I’d known.
He winks at me. Again. To be real with you, one of Dad’s winks is worth putting up with him calling me Chubby Cheeks.
Abuse
Mrs. Hill regards me so attentively that I want to tell her secrets that I can’t tell anybody.
I used Nair hair-removing cream to take out the unrelaxed nappy hair once the new-growth started growing in. I’ll say “no” because I’m still ashamed that I wanted the coily part gone so badly that I didn’t even stop to consider what that stupid cream would do.
“My grandpa understood that the only way we were going to stay ahead, as a family, was if we marry up.”
We don’t fit the mold to be in her shiny gold frames.
“Understand that my grandpapa was a forward thinker. Our lineage is full of doctors and professors and successful businessmen. It’s not luck, Genesis.”
because I’m reminded of the times girls said, “I thought you were mean,” just because I’m dark. Or even when kids called me ghetto and dumb. I hear it all the time.
And you know what? Sayings like “Beauty isn’t everything” and “Beauty’s on the inside” or “Be Black and proud” are lies. Flat-out lies. If someone ever offers me one of those stupid lines, I promise I’ll scream loud enough to make the walls of Jericho tumble down, because beauty is everything. I’ll tell you what beauty ain’t. It ain’t some organ hidden on the inside—no one cares about how good your heart is. And another thing, being Black like me ain’t nothing to be proud about.
I plant myself in the center of the bedroom and wait for the voices. Even welcome them. Dad. Grandma. Grandma’s papa. Regina. Chyna. Porsche. Terrance. Who you think’s gonna love you . . . ?
I wish I could say she said those things, but I can’t. What she actually tells me is: “Life would be so much less complicated for you, if you did.” Dang. No, I love you even with your dark-chocolate self. No, That was the old way of thinking, but love is love. No, I want you to be the best you can be, and that’s all. No nothing?
That’s when it occurs to me. Mama’s stuck. Between Dad’s issue of keeping us on the move, and Grandma scaring her with marriage vow scriptures, and Mama needing to prove to Grandma that she didn’t make a mistake in marrying Daddy—and me. She can’t do anything. Or go anywhere. Dang-ee.
Was Grandma like this the whole time Mama was growing up? Geesh. She harasses Mama so much that Mama gets the keys and leaves the house again. Grandma calls out to ask where she’s going this time, and Mama answers, “To breathe.”
Grandma’s words snaps at me, Pull your shoulders up, stop hunching. Yet, Mrs. Hill’s calm pushes me past this moment.
these Farmington Hills folks, they sure do like to keep their curtains open. You can see all through their houses. It’s like they’re not even afraid of thieves scoping out places to rob.
To me it’s all the same: Greasers versus Socs, rich versus poor, dark versus light, Grandma versus Dad.
This is where I have to stop myself. And I really do try to. But I can’t help but measure myself to other girls—and I’m just being real—but when I rate myself to Belinda and Nia, I ain’t no stunner.
And by the time I get to math, well, you already know there’s no chance of me untangling an algorithm when my own mind is gnarled in tangles.
“Okay, okay. I don’t know how to say it, but . . . I just want to be pretty.” “You don’t think you already are?” I want to tell him that there’s nothing pretty about being black like me, but he should already know that. “I thought you were,” he goes on, “but that . . . that’s not about being pretty. You’re taking it to another level.”
Best friend or no, Dad’s addictions are not something I want to admit to anybody.
And I like that I’m funny. And I’m sure I like a whole lot of things . . . and truth is, I can’t wait to discover ’em all.
Alicia D. Williams is a teacher. Her students created a list of what they wanted you to know about her:
