With the Fire on High

by Elizabeth Acevedo

And sometimes focusing on what you can control is the only way to lessen the pang in your chest when you think about the things you can’t.

I read a quote once that said, “The best thing a father can do for his child is love the mother.” But some days I think the best thing Tyrone could do for Babygirl is leave her mother the hell alone.

You can’t make too much space for a father like mine in your life. Because he’ll elbow his way in and stretch the corners wide, and when he leaves all you have is the oversized empty—the gap in your heart where a parent should be.

It’s also meant to nourish your heart. And that’s one thing you won’t ever learn from no textbook.

But just know, I think you have more to offer the world than you give yourself credit for.”

I force myself to keep smiling. I’m not ashamed of my baby. I’m not ashamed I had a baby. I’m not ashamed I’m a mother. I lift my chin higher. “Babygirl’s real good. She just started daycare little over a month ago. Thanks for asking.”

If there was one thing I learned once my belly started showing it’s that you can’t control how people look at you, but you can control how far back you pull your shoulders and how high you lift your chin.

It doesn’t sound anything like me at all. I feel those first crush butterflies that I thought I’d never feel again, which I know sounds silly for a seventeen-year-old to say, but some days I don’t feel like a seventeen-year-old at all.

I know the smile I’ve forced onto my face wobbles at the edges, but I keep it pinned on and I keep my tears to myself.

I won’t treat you any different from anyone else just because you have something special, but let’s both take a moment to acknowledge that you’ve got what it takes.”

We need people in our lives to acknowledge the talent and skill we possess.

Do you think you can lead that?” I hadn’t counted on more work. But I puff up my chest. I got this.

Connection: in college I had to take extra work to graduate early.

“Your measurement of salt in the recipe, we followed it exactly. So if the dish needs more salt, you need to change your measurement.”

All the times I corrected college professors

But even though everyone pitied you at first you just walked through the halls like you were Queen B. Like you couldn’t even see us.” I smile. “Well, yeah. How else are you supposed to act when people pity you?”

learning Babygirl is my daughter, but who would have sympathy if I was of a paler complexion. The kind that looks at Angelica’s colorful hair and calls her ghetto under her breath, but thinks a white tween with purple cornrows is charming and creative. She

And I try to tell myself the same thing: forward is the only direction to go in; turning back around is for the birds.