Time passes, the world gets fuzzier. I can’t quite tell if I’m awake or not. I have a vague sense that someone is whispering nearby, and then the door closes. The lamp switches off. I mumble, ‘Caddy?’ ‘Hi,’ she whispers. She pulls the covers back and slides down beside me. ‘Go to sleep, it’s super-late.’ Her breathing is faster than normal, and I can feel her heart beating. Her arms close around my back in a quick, tight hug. ‘Sorry.’ I am at that almost-drunk point of nearly-asleep, which is why the words come out when her arms release me. ‘Don’t let go.’ There’s a pause, just long enough for
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This chapter, where Suzanne visits Caddy at university and the strain in their relationship really starts to show, is the first thing I wrote of what would become FFH. It was so clear to me from start to finish; how hard it is for them both to adjust their friendship to how much Caddy has changed since they were first friends. Going to uni is such a huge thing, and it does change relationships, even really strong ones. I'm always interested to hear people's views on Caddy in this book, and especially this section, because for me, I have a lot of sympathy for her. She's trying to assert herself in a friendship where her acquiescence has always been taken for granted, where the other person - whom she loves so dearly - is such an emotional steamroller. It's a hard thing to do, and though she doesn't always make the best choices, I don't think she's always, necessarily, wrong.
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Imen Z
