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Park had him like a fever did. Thought-altering, blood-boiling and all-consuming. Cooper had thrown himself back onto the burn.
maybe when you hit your eighties you lose your very last fuck to give about pretending to be what you’re not. That was certainly his own retirement plan.
wasn’t apologizing for being me.” “Good. Don’t let them make you. No one should feel like a dirty secret.”
good. I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be,” he added, squeezing his hip. Cooper’s breath caught. “What?” “I wasn’t trying to hide you or anything about you from anyone. I’m so proud of you, so proud I get to be with you, to be part of your life. That you chose me.”
“I’m afraid of who I am here,” Park said finally. His voice had cracked open to something almost painfully vulnerable, and he was looking up at Cooper from beneath lowered lashes as if watching and waiting for him to walk away. “You should be, too.” Cooper stood and took hold of Park’s hand. “I’m not. I could never be. And I’m way too stubborn to lose you, even to yourself, so don’t worry about that, either.”
If Cooper were an armchair psychologist, he’d guess the early abandonment Park had experienced by his parents paired with Joe’s extremely conditional love had shaped him into someone who’d do anything, be anyone, for love. That sounded romantic. It wasn’t.
He didn’t say “It’s okay” because it wasn’t, or “I know” because he didn’t. He didn’t say “I’m sorry” because it was an empty, ritualistic platitude, or “You don’t need her” because need had nothing do with it. It was about want. And at some point, at least once in a lifetime, no matter who or why or what came before, everyone wants their mom.
One person can’t love you enough to make up for all the people who don’t, but Cooper wasn’t trying for all the people. Just the one. Just for right now.
“Being open isn’t easy for either of us. Shit, maybe not for anyone. But I work on it because, to me, you’re worth it. And you know what, Oliver? I’m worth it, too. So pull your shit together so we can get on with being mates and in love and all that trash.”
“You’ve seen the worst of me. You are the best of me. I won’t ever risk losing that again.”
As it turned out, he was just as hard and prickly as he needed to be to shelter the sweet, vulnerable, deceptively soft man he’d fallen in love with.
