Thrown to the Wolves (Big Bad Wolf, #3)

by Charlie Adhara

Almost as if Park’s absence was as disruptive as a broken bone or a shredded gut.

To be there for him the way Park had been there unerringly for him the last four months; teasing him out of dark moods, arguing calmly with him when the inertia set his blood on fire, holding him like he was the one sure thing in a life full of uncertainties.

Park nipped at his fingers, catching them between his teeth for a moment. He held Cooper’s gaze, sucked two slightly into his mouth, then released them.

“Well, what about safety in numbers? I don’t want us doing anything...dangerous.” Park tilted his head. “You’re constantly rushing headfirst into the clutches of psychopaths and murderers. I just listened to you cackle your way through a potentially fatal car accident. You like danger.” Cooper protested, but Park cut him off. “Please. Don’t try to deny it. You were practically humping me a minute ago. You get off on this shit. So don’t tell me you’re scared of being alone in nature for an hour.”

“No,” Cooper said shortly. “But the book said no one should hike alone. What if you run into an animal?” “Then there’s a 50/50 chance we’re related.” “Oli—” Park kissed him.

He leaned back into the car to place his heavy coat carefully in the trunk, presumably for Boogie to curl into, the big softie.

“Okay,” Cooper said quickly, not wanting to push. “I was only thinking of your bits.” Park snorted, getting out of the car. “You usually are.”

Love and intimacy meant being vulnerable, and Christ, was he in love. So he tried. Every day.

Behind her in the shadows of the deeper woods, there was another flicker of white and, squinting, Cooper managed to make out a second deer. “You have a friend. I used to have one of those. I don’t suppose you’ve seen him. He’s about six-two, pretty cute, may or may not be wearing clothes.” He heard a hard huffing sound and the deer in front jerked her head, turned and leapt away, bounding through brush and snow with the second deer just behind. “Hey! Don’t tell me you’re offended by nudity!” Cooper called after them.

The wolf looked bored with this failed Dr. Dolittle routine and started to sniff him again, moving forward slower this time. It avoided Cooper’s belly completely, starting instead at the hand that was still in the air and seeming particularly interested in the tips of his pointer and middle fingers. The fingers that had been in Park’s mouth earlier. Ugh. Please let this not be how he met Park’s grandmother.

As it was, Cooper couldn’t stop himself from grinning and hurrying to meet him halfway, practically dragging his leg by now. To his surprise, Park hauled him in for a hug. That wasn’t their style, public affection and open, honest emotion. Cooper was expecting a quip and a sardonic look, not an embrace. It was not a “hey there, friend” embrace, either. He felt fingers dig possessively into his back and Park’s face buried in his hair, exhaling hard.

“So,” he said nervously after Park didn’t speak. “You see, it wasn’t really a kiss.” Park laughed, an abrupt barking sound. “Oh, Cooper,” he sighed. “You do make life interesting, anyway.” He pulled Cooper back into a hug and began to insistently rub his face all over Cooper’s head. Park’s stubble dragged through his hair and he breathed heavily over Cooper’s neck. “I don’t care because I know I can’t look any worse right now, but what the hell are you doing?” Cooper muttered. “It’s barbaric and unnecessary, and I’m thoroughly ashamed of myself for doing it,” Park said, his chin drawing circles in Cooper’s shoulder now. “But I hate that his scent is all over you.” He whispered that last part and slid his hands up and down Cooper’s arms. “I want you to smell like us again.”

“How do I look?” he blurted as they approached the car. He couldn’t help it. “Like you’ve seen some shit,” Park said.

Whether Park chose to use the A word or not, he was an alpha in need of a pack.

Boogie was more likely to approach you when you wanted nothing to do with her. That was probably why she liked Park so much.

He moved to sit on the couch and Boogie immediately trotted over from the shadow world to hop up into his lap, purring and kneading at his thighs, oblivious to the tension.

Park stroked Boogie’s fur head to tail, a rare sign of blatant affection that ratcheted her purring up in volume tenfold.

He liked the way Park sometimes held his breath when Cooper kissed him like this. Like unexpected affection was so precious he didn’t want to risk any interruption. The way Park kept himself straight and stiff, clearly wanting to look his best for someone he must surely know already thought he couldn’t get more beautiful.

“You haven’t caught me yet,” he said. He winked at Park, reluctantly pulling out of his hold, then moved quickly away from the couch, hoping to make it across the barn before— Park’s hand closed around his wrist and spun him efficiently so that he was facing the table with Park behind him. He’d barely made it three feet and hadn’t even seen Park get up from the couch.

“Caught you,” Park whispered in his ear, then rubbed his nose against the side of Cooper’s head.

“Maybe I should keep you down here,” Park said thoughtfully, methodically dipping into him to stretch him. “We like to stock the barn with supplies for after a run. I wouldn’t mind an ass like yours waiting for me in here when I get back. I’d keep you naked all the time, of course. Maybe give you a toy so you’d always be ready for me.” Cooper groaned. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” “Yes,” Cooper said, flexing back onto Park’s fingers. “Keep me.”

“I wasn’t trying to hide you or anything about you from anyone. I’m so proud of you, so proud I get to be with you, to be part of your life. That you chose me.” Cooper’s throat hurt and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. He buried his face into his arms, and Park continued, “If I could tell the whole world I love you, I would.” Cooper felt wetness track down his cheek and hang precariously from his jawbone. Sweat or a tear? He bit down on his own arm. “You are too good for me,” Park said, and finally, finally, his arm came around Cooper to jerk his dick.

Park’s lips moved against the back of his neck. “If it was up to me, I’d keep you marked up and full of my come all the time so everyone knows you’re mine. Can I do that?” He grazed his teeth against Cooper’s skin. “Yes, do it. Anything. Mark me. Give it to me. Fill me up so everyone knows who I belong to.”

“It wasn’t just talk for me, though,” he added after a moment. “Loving you is the privilege of my already overprivileged life. I never wanted you to feel like I was hiding you from them. I was trying to hide them from you.”

“Of course it means something,” Park said, quiet, cold and deadly. “You think I don’t want to find whoever did this to you right now and rip them apart? It’s taking everything I have not to completely lose myself right now. Every basic instinct inside me is screaming to shift, hunt and destroy the threat.”

“Please, just trust me on this one.” “I always trust you,” Cooper said immediately, and Park smiled, but it was strained, unhappy. “Well, not always,” Park joked awkwardly, referring to when they first met. Cooper shrugged in a so-so gesture. Because what Park didn’t know, had never known, was even then, despite what Cooper had been told, what his own consciousness warned, he’d been drawn to Park almost from the start. He’d had to fight his natural wanting to trust Park—with his back as a partner, with his body as a lover. He’d lost that fight faster than with anyone else he’d ever trusted before.

“I think our opportunity to escape has passed, don’t you?” “Say the word and I would dig us out myself.”

“If I wasn’t with you, I wouldn’t be with you. And that’s too terrible an idea to linger on, so let’s not.” Park kissed along his jaw, moving slowly up and around the rim of his ear, and Cooper shivered pleasantly.

“Mmmm,” Park agreed, working into a rhythm. The majority of him was blocked by the desk, but anyone who opened the door would be able to see his head bobbing up and down over Cooper’s lap and know immediately what was going on. “You better make me come fast before someone walks in and sees you on your knees sucking dick under the desk like a professional slut.” Park groaned, sending vibrations down Cooper’s sensitive skin.

“I love you,” Park said, holding him against his chest. “Really love you. I mean it.” “That’s awkward, ’cause I’ve just been joking this whole time.”

The windows let in more light when Park drank his coffee by them in the morning, people-watching. The shower got hotter when Park crowded up against him and blocked shampoo suds from dripping into his eyes. The kitchen smelled better when Park was baking challah bread, even after Cooper found out the secret ingredient was puréed butternut squash and refused to speak to him for the rest of the day.

Proud of you for putting on pants. Can I help you take them off?

If Cooper were an armchair psychologist, he’d guess the early abandonment Park had experienced by his parents paired with Joe’s extremely conditional love had shaped him into someone who’d do anything, be anyone, for love. That sounded romantic. It wasn’t.

He’d been all too willing to accept Park as perfect. It had felt nice to believe someone so close to faultless had looked at Cooper’s fault-ridden life and thought, Oh yeah, I want in on that. It was validating and had given him the breath and the boost he’d needed to process the last couple of years and heal. But it hadn’t left Park a lot of space to unpack his own shit.

All he knew for certain right then was that the idea of standing around Oliver’s wedding to some other man making small talk with old work colleagues saying we loved each other, sure, but it just didn’t work out made him want to set the whole world on fire.

She smiled at him sweetly, and for a weird moment he was reminded of Park right before he charmed some poor sucker into confessing their sins. Cooper used to be amazed that someone of Park’s size had bothered to develop more tricks up his sleeve than pure physical intimidation. Now he realized Park would have needed as many tricks as he could get while taking over the entire fucking northeast continent.

Casually, he slipped his hand into Park’s and his fingers were almost immediately crushed. That was fine. He could withstand a few bruises for this.

Park let out a ragged sigh and then another, and Cooper couldn’t resist tugging on his shirt and pulling him into his arms. Park clung to him, grasping at his back, and his head dropped to Cooper’s shoulder, face buried in his neck. Cooper felt the vibrations of sound against his skin and then Park’s agitated trembling slipped into something more rhythmic. He realized Park was crying.

He didn’t say “It’s okay” because it wasn’t, or “I know” because he didn’t. He didn’t say “I’m sorry” because it was an empty, ritualistic platitude, or “You don’t need her” because need had nothing do with it. It was about want. And at some point, at least once in a lifetime, no matter who or why or what came before, everyone wants their mom.

Cooper just squeezed Park tighter and pressed kiss after kiss to his temple, the top of his head, his shoulder. Willed him to feel how much Cooper loved him. One person can’t love you enough to make up for all the people who don’t, but Cooper wa...

He didn’t want to see Park ever cry again, but in a weird way, he wanted to be there every time he did.

He seemed awfully cheerful for someone who had discovered a body before breakfast and been co-opted into a spur-of-the-moment confrontation slash rescue mission before lunch. But at least someone was happy.

He turned to what should have been the door back into the market... ...only to see a dead end of cereal boxes. Grinning animated faces of rabbits, elves and tigers all peeking at him from beneath saran wrap. You’rrrrrrreeee fucked.

The large, dark wolf was eyeing him. Beautiful amaretto eyes wary, skittish and sad. A dog expecting the boot. Cooper dropped to his knees. “Oliver,” he exhaled, and the wolf blinked.

Park blinked at him. His fur looked...soft. Luxurious, even. Interestingly, the dark brown faded to a silvery white on his belly, legs, throat, and in two little spots behind his ears. Cooper wanted to reach out and stroke him. Hold him. But didn’t want to do anything that could be interpreted as treating him like an animal. So Cooper held his front paw instead and squeezed. Park looked down at where they touched.

God, I’m not leaving you. I’m so fucking in love with you I couldn’t if I tried.”

No one owed anyone the most painful secrets of their life.

“Being open isn’t easy for either of us. Shit, maybe not for anyone. But I work on it because, to me, you’re worth it. And you know what, Oliver? I’m worth it, too. So pull your shit together so we can get on with being mates and in love and all that trash.” Park rolled them so that he was hovering over Cooper and held his face in his hands. “There’s my porcupine. I didn’t recognize you there for a minute, all sensitive and sweet without your prickers.” Cooper thrust up, knocking his half-hard dick against Park’s. “I’ve still got one prick left right here if you’re feeling nostalgic.” Park’s laughter melted into gentle kisses, and gentle kisses became urgent touches until they were both desperate for more.

Unexpected emotion filled his chest, and Cooper had to bite the inside of his cheek hard not to cry. No one’s happiness had ever been so intrinsically linked to his own. Oliver’s joy was his joy now. And Oliver had never looked so fucking joyful. They could make the happiest goddamn home together.

“It’s just—” Park stammered. “I mean, I know you like your space. I don’t ever want to get in the way of that.” Cooper snorted. “It’s not space worth having without you in it.”