The Unexpected Joy of Being Single

by Catherine Gray

And then, you begin to observe the reality of child-rearing, the seven-year cracks, the infidelities, the agony of divorce, and wonder if you want to even go there at all. Which feels a little like...freedom. Peeling off from the pack is unsettling, but also emancipating.

The times when we’re rejected, when we’re hurt, when we’re cheated on tend to stick in our minds, whereas the times when the opposite happened slide away into the forgotten files. As a psychologist, Dr Rick Hanson, famously said, ‘The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.’

She says that people hang onto their addictions, whether they be eating disorders, alcohol, sex, gambling or shopping, because a belief still persists that if they give them up, they’ll miss out on something. ‘With alcohol for instance, for you, it was the perceived fun,’ she says. ‘So, what is it this time?’

This takes me back to the many, many times when I’ve chosen to ignore somebody telling or showing me who they are. I now pay close attention to what people say and what they do.