The Unexpected Joy of Being Single

by Catherine Gray

All the while, I use alcohol to erase my inhibitions and get closer to men; then alcohol to soothe me when it all goes belly up. Alcohol – men, alcohol – men. It’s a cyclical kind of hell.

‘If you are trapped in a nightmare, you will probably be more strongly motivated to awaken than someone who is just caught in the ups and downs of an ordinary dream.’ – ECKHART TOLLE, THE POWER OF NOW

I begin to realize that pouring a glass of wine and clicking on a dating app are the exact same process. They’re a restlessness, an emotional void, that we attempt to fill by grabbing a substance/person outside of ourselves.

a maternal streak can co-exist with the knowledge that biological children are not for you.

When men/women say they’re going to build you a room in a house after one date, they’re definitely just trying to get laid.

You can’t begin to heal until you cease all communication. Using communication with your ex to try to mend yourself is exactly like drinking wine to cure a hangover. Using the thing that hurt you, to try and heal you. Put the thing down.

men often find it easier to break the pattern of a familial dynamic, unlike women. Huh.

A secure-attached person is surprised by abandonment, whereas an anxious-attached person expects it.’

‘Being “chill” or “cool” is not a sign of emotional maturity or intelligence...It leads you to act fake and pretend that your partner’s hurtful actions don’t bother you – which deprives your relationship of true closeness and connection.’

Finding the joy in being single, is not about scorning marriage or the married, any more than finding the joy in being married should be about deriding singles or shooting them pitiful looks.

One situation isn’t inherently better than the other. There are pros and cons. As with anything – it is what you make of it, so try to make the absolute most of whatever you have, while you still have it.

I don’t know any single person who hasn’t had this ‘I just want to see you happy’ conversation, repeatedly.

consistent contact, exclusivity and fidelity, harmony and mutual respect, plus a desire to forge something long term.