Lost and Wanted

by Nell Freudenberger

I thought that this was what religious faith must be like, the peace in knowing that there was something beyond the world you knew, and that your own inner experience would indeed endure.

I imagined not being sure whether my brain was functioning the way it should, and felt a visceral fear.

You can hear about something for a lifetime, though, even something you know is happening all around you, and still not really believe it—until it happens close enough to feel yourself.

“I always talk about a scar: that the wound never goes away, but that it gets covered by some protective tissue, more and more each year. And then one woman says to me, ‘Yes, and then the tissue grows so thick you can’t see out.’ ” He looked at me: “You have some people who absorb everything you say, as if it’s all wise and useful. And then there are others who argue all the time—those patients are exhausting, but I think you learn more from them.”