I Wish You All the Best

by Mason Deaver

I feel uncomfortable, no matter how I sit, it’s like I have to escape my body somehow.

I’ve been mentally preparing myself to come out all over again, but I’ve been doing that for a while now. That was one of the things I realized early. If you’re queer, your life has the potential to become one long coming-out moment. If I ever want to be called the right pronouns, I’ll have to correct people and put myself out there first and who knows what could happen.

One time we spent the entire day arguing back and forth against the need to gender robots in Star Wars.

“I was always more partial to Luke.” He wasn’t my “gay-wakening,” as Mariam so graciously put it, but he was close. In fact, Star Wars is entirely unfair when it comes to attractive leads. Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford? Totally and completely uncalled for.

“Ben.” He sighs. “What?” “Tell me one thing you like about this painting.” “What do you mean?” “You always point out the flaws in your work, but what’s one thing you like about this painting?

Me: I don’t think you told me how you met. Mariam: The usual way. I kept seeing her at a Starbucks and I melted slowly into a puddle of anxiety until she actually came up to me and we started talking. Me: Love at first anxiety attack