I Wish You All the Best

by Mason Deaver

“I am nonbinary.”

what do you do when your parents kick you out of your house? When your entire life is upheaved, all because you wanted to come out, to be respected and seen, to be called the right pronouns?

If you’re queer, your life has the potential to become one long coming-out moment. If I ever want to be called the right pronouns, I’ll have to correct people and put myself out there first and who knows what could happen.

“Can’t spell ‘subtext’ without ‘butt sex.’”

“I have a secret method.” “And that is?” He leans in closer and whispers, “I’m making it all up.”

My fingers trace my palm, the exact place Nathan held my hand. That moment on the roof, it’s like he knew. What exactly he knew, I have no clue. I don’t even know what it means, if it’s even supposed to mean something. Was he just being there for me? Am I more than a friend? Does he think of me that way now, or is he just really good at being himself? Or am I totally looking way too deep into this?

I really liked it, and that it might not be such a bad thing if it happened again.

Me: I think I really like this boy…

Boys aren’t supposed to wear dresses. Even if I’m not a boy, even if clothing shouldn’t be gendered. Whenever anyone looks at me, that’s all they’ll see.

But the more I stare at my body, the more I hate it. It’s the same feelings I had before I realized I’m nonbinary. Things just aren’t where they’re supposed to be, and I feel like I’m larger and smaller than myself at the same time. Like nothing adds up.

“Gross, but accurate,”

Expresion en ingles

“Whatever happens”—his grip tightens a little—“I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.” He says it with a smile. “You deserve it.”

Titulo ;)

He doesn’t react at first, then slowly but surely, his mouth spreads into that all-too-familiar grin that I think I’ve fallen in love with.

I never want him to stop smiling.

It’s nice to finally meet you. Nathan speaks very highly.” She winks, and I don’t know what that’s supposed to imply, but I don’t question it. “He does?” I ask. “Oh, here and there,” she says. While he packs groceries into the refrigerator, Nathan’s dad says, “And every night at dinner, and before he goes to bed, and at breakfast.” I turn to Nathan, who’s currently seated at the counter with his face buried in his hands, and God he’s so cute right now. “I do not talk about him 24/7!” he argues. “He’s right.” Mr. Allan folds up the leftover plastic bags and slips them into a small container under the sink. “He has to sleep sometime.”

“I like that it’s about you,” I say quietly, and he doesn’t seem to hear me at first, or I think he doesn’t.

“Don’t ignore the problems,” he says. “Learn from them. But also, don’t knock what you get right. Every success deserves a celebration.”

SO FUCKING GENIUS

Me: I think I like him. Like really like him. Maybe more than that.

The way he looks at me, it’s as serious as I’ve ever seen him. “That’s not what’s going to happen. Why would you think I’d want to lose you like that?”

I follow them both closely, watching these two worlds of mine collide. It still feels like a dream. But if it is, I really don’t want to wake up.

“I really like you, Ben. I really, really, really like you,” he finally says, and I can almost see his shoulders relax. “I’d use the other L-word, but if I’m being a hundred percent honest, it scares the absolute shit out of me.” He takes a deep breath. “And I’ve spent months trying to figure out how I could tell you without scaring you away, or making you hate me, but yeah.”

“If you could say something besides my name, I’d really appreciate it.” He lets out this exasperated laugh. “At least a ‘fuck off’ or something.” “I, um …” I try not to giggle too much. It actually feels like I’m high on happiness right now. Is there even such a thing? “I really like you too,” I say. “More than like, in fact.”

“I … I want to kiss you,” he tells me. “Can I do that?” “Yeah,” I whisper.

First kiss

“What about my person?”

“Your person.” I like the way the words sound. On his lips and to my ears. “My Ben.” Nathan leans in, kissing the top of my hand, and all at once my heart feels so full.

I feel Nathan’s skin against mine. “And this isn’t going to ruin that. Don’t you think she’s proud of you? This project … It’s important, babe.”

AAAAAAAALE DIJO BABE NANA FALLEZCO

“And did you just call me babe?” “Trying something new, schnookums.” He kisses my neck again. “No good?” I relax against him. “Let’s stick with ‘babe’ if we have to.”

NO CHAU ME MUERO SON MUY TIERNOS MIS PAPIS

“I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.” They aren’t the same words, but I know exactly what he means. “I love you too.”

END <3

And remember: Whatever happens, I wish you all the best. —Mason Deaver

AUTHOR'S NOTE