Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness

by Vex King

But true self-love is when you appreciate where you are and who you are, regardless of any transformation you aspire to.

Improving yourself and your life is also self-love, because it means you recognize that you deserve more than settling for mediocrity.

Self-love is about applying this to yourself: having your own best interests at heart.

Self-love is the balance between accepting yourself as you are while knowing you deserve better, and then working towards it.

‘We are what we are, because of the vibrations of thought which we pick up and register, through the stimuli of our daily environment.’

Change the way you think, feel, speak and act, and you begin to change your world.

Surround yourself with positive people Surround yourself with people who are vibin’ higher than you. Be around people who are feeling better than you are. Energy is contagious. When you’re not feeling too good, try being around people who are. They’re vibrating higher than you and there’s a good chance that you can absorb some of their energy. Just as the green alga Chlamydomonas reinhardtii has been found by researchers to draw energy from other plants,5 my experience suggests that there’s great potential for humans to do something very similar.

It’s hard to crack a smile when things are going wrong. But a 2003 study by Simone Schnall and James Laird showed that if you fake a smile, you can actually trick your brain into thinking you’re happy by releasing feel-good hormones called endorphins.

If you can act like someone who feels good, your internal state will change and your vibration will rise.

A report co-authored by Cuddy claims that simply by doing one of three poses related to power for only two minutes a day, you can create a 20 per cent increase in the confidence hormone, testosterone, and a 25 per cent decrease in the stress hormone, cortisol.7 The so-called ‘power poses’ are a quick and easy way to feel more powerful, says the report.

The simple solution is to unwind and keep some distance from the things that are stressing you out. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone. I’ve noticed that sometimes you can feel peopled out. If you’re an introvert, this feeling might be quite common. You feel like everyone wants a piece of you and it just gets too much.

So, distance yourself from conversations about others, or try to direct the discussion to something more positive. You’ll notice that, more often than not, people who spend their time gossiping are the ones who seem to complain or find comfort in misery. If you join them in their habits, you’ll gradually become disillusioned with life, too.

Avoid drama. Walk away in silence from anything that doesn’t improve your life. Calmness among chaos is a sign of emotional maturity.

This provides a false sense of self and consequently lowers your vibe. There are better ways to spend your time than gossiping or involving yourself in dramas. Instead, try to focus on your own life and on trying to improve it. Time is precious and you should be investing it wisely by doing something constructive that will make your life greater.

Being thankful is one of the simplest, and yet most powerful, habits you can cultivate. By counting your blessings daily, you can begin to condition your mind to look for the good in everything around you. Soon enough, you’ll unconsciously begin to see the bright side of things and feel better about life.

The more you count your blessings, the more blessings you’ll have to count.

Too many of us direct our energy towards our fears. I’m not saying your problems don’t exist, but try instead to focus your energy on solutions to those problems. The Universe is abundant in all areas; the illusion of fear is the only limitation we have.

The right partner won’t complete you. You’re already whole. Instead, the right partner will extend you. They’ll catalyse your growth and the expansion of your consciousness. It’s like finding love in someone who encourages you to find the love in yourself, which you keep giving back.

Notice the people who celebrate your achievements, wish you a happy birthday, get excited about your goals and encourage you to do better without losing your sense of self. Those are the people worth keeping around.

The truth is, all of your friends teach you something valuable in life. They each have a role to play. Some have temporary positions, others are permanent. It’s fine to outgrow people and move on with your life. You must always focus on your own life, expanding it and growing as an individual. You can only do great things for others in the world if you genuinely feel joyful, loving and accomplished. If the people around you choose different paths or aren’t quite where you are, that’s okay. If they’re supposed to be in your life, sooner or later they’ll be there; your journeys will align again eventually.

Hopefully, it’s clear to you now that we do a lot of things in order to be accepted, but if we want to do well in life and maintain our peace, we have to be a little selfish. We’ll never be able to satisfy absolutely everyone, and that’s exactly why we shouldn’t even try. Give up the habit of being a people-pleaser and start pleasing you!

You won’t be important to other people all the time, and that’s why you have to be important to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Take care of yourself. Encourage positive self-talk – and become your own support system. Your needs matter, so start meeting them yourself. Don’t rely on others.

People tend to enjoy being around, and fall in love with, those who gracefully accept themselves. For this reason, self-love is a vital element in building strong relationships.

When you accept yourself as you are, you put emphasis on your own wellbeing and joy – and you’ll be content with the idea that not everyone will accept you as you are. You’ll know your worth, so you won’t care if others don’t recognize it. In fact, you’ll come to understand why they don’t recognize it: unfortunately, because most people don’t accept themselves, they search for flaws in others.

If you feel you’d rather be someone other than yourself, you’re not alone. But if you can recognize and embrace your own unique beauty, you can live with authenticity and be proud of who you are. A person who accepts themself as they are can inspire the world. And that can be you. You could show the world how to reach joy through self-acceptance.

You’ve done things even you thought you couldn’t do. Be proud of yourself. You’ve fought hard to get where you are today. Acknowledging this will bring contentment and raise your vibration.

If you still don’t feel motivated, proceed anyway and be willing to get things done. You didn’t expect me to say that, did you? It might not sound very appealing, but experience has taught me that this behaviour – this grit – is a key difference between ordinary and extraordinary. It’s about commitment. When you don’t want to roll out of bed in the early hours, or when you really can’t be bothered to go to that meeting on the other side of town – you do it anyway! You recognize that the effort you put in will be worth the rewards that come later.

You don’t need it all figured out. The more you think you do, the more you’ll procrastinate and fear moving forward. Have courage and start now, even if you start small. Just go for it!

You’ll get the job, the partner, the house, the car, etc. Just don’t rush the process; trust it. You have to grow into your dreams.

Now, this may not always seem true. But remember that rejections are just redirections to better things. Setbacks are pauses for thought, opportunities to alter your plans – for the better. And however big any failure may feel at the time, there’s always a lesson to learn. Only with faith can we recognize the value of our apparent downfalls. What we truly want often comes wrapped in different packaging.

Send that text. Go on that date. Make that move. Apply for that job. Start that business. Don’t be afraid of rejection, struggle or failure. There’s no shame in trying. Love, learn and grow through every risk you take towards fulfilment.

However, later that evening he learned that train he was meant to have taken had tragically crashed and nearly all the passengers had died. Upon hearing this, he thanked God for saving him from what could have been his last breath, and he said, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I’m sure the friends and family of the deceased passengers wouldn’t have agreed, but from the brother’s perspective the phrase made perfect sense.

Everything is connected. If something tragic has happened in your past, think of something good that’s happened recently – they’re linked. That first event somehow created different choices in you, which led to you experiencing something good.

Sometimes we have to take a look back at the events in our life and start connecting the dots. There was probably a reason for each occurrence. If we look carefully, things might start making sense. If they do, surely we can be certain that all future events, whether they bring us pain or pleasure, have a purpose.

But if something doesn’t go the way you wanted, ask yourself what you can learn from it – because every bad experience has a learning outcome to be taken on board. Ask yourself what changes you need to make. And don’t mask unhealthy choices with optimism when you know they’re not right, or let emotional cravings and temporary comfort inspire you to venture for more pain.

There’s a purpose behind your existence, and when you discover what it is, you’ll not only change the dynamics of the world, but also experience abundance in all areas of your life.

You must make it a habit to look on the bright side of things and let go of the past; to stop living in the future and appreciate where you are and what you have right now; to withdraw from comparisons and love everything in this world without condition. Embrace what is. Be happy.