The Scent Keeper

by Erica Bauermeister

He was gone. A hole of grief opened beneath me and I fell in.

Smells don’t care what the mind or heart wants, however. Scents will find their way around the darkness of closed eyes, slipping past barricades of thought. The body is their accomplice. We can live without food for weeks, and water for days, but try not to breathe and the lungs mutiny.

There was nothing left but forward.

I didn’t know which made me angrier, their knowledge or my lack of it.

I’d always thought winks were the strangest of the facial expressions I’d encountered after I left the island. One eye closed, as if in trust of shared understanding; the other open, watching. For Dylan, a wink had been a weapon. With Victoria, it felt like an invitation.

“Coco Chanel used to say, ‘Dress shabbily and they remember the dress. Dress impeccably and they remember the woman.’”

I opened my eyes. After the last time, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But the face I saw this time was beautiful, luminous. My eyes were big, but soft, haunting. My cheekbones were defined and full of stories. My lips didn’t scream for attention; they were available, but still mine. A secret, barely whispered; the prologue to a book you could get lost in. I’d say it didn’t look like me, but it did—a me I’d never thought I’d reach.

“The best seduction is the one you never see coming.”

Maybe that’s how it always is, I thought—we all just go along, catching glimpses of one another, thinking we know everything.

In the end, it wasn’t the flavors or the alcohol that made people relax—it was the experience of being seen and understood.

Just go forward,

You will play among the sparkling top notes, the hints of citrus and the salt mist of waves. You will sink into the flowers and spices of the middle notes. But never forget the base notes, for no fragrance is ever balanced without a touch of musk, or smoke, or sadness. Base notes can come from dark places, but they can create beauty all the same. They are reminders of what we will do to live, and what we can give each other.