Life’s Amazing Secrets: How to Find Balance and Purpose in Your Life

by Gaur Gopal Das

Feeling peaceful, happy and content is not about avoiding challenges in our life, but about how we navigate through these challenges to reach the type of life we want to live.

our spiritual practice (sadhana), the association that we keep (sanga), our character (sadachar) and our service to God and to others (seva).

We have mastered how to look successful, but not how to organize our lives so that we feel successful.

Our silent presence can be more powerful than a million empty words. We all have two ears and one mouth; the amount we listen and the amount we speak should be done proportionately. Rarely do people want an active solution to their problems before they have been thoroughly heard and understood.

Making choices in life is like buying something at a shopping mall. The sales assistant may show us all the products available, telling us the pros and cons of each of them, but we must make the choice in the end. The final decision is our responsibility.

‘There is a traffic jam within our minds, Harry. And that traffic jam is stopping each one of us from reaching our true potential. Imagine if we knew how to clear this disruption. No fumes of insecurity causing us to cough, no one honking at us, distracting us from what’s important and plenty of fuel to sustain us so that we can live a life worth living.’

We all boil at different degrees. Some of us have temperaments like the Indian summer—hot, sticky and easily irritable.

when we think negatively of people, we should immediately counteract that energy by contemplating three positive qualities they have. I did make some awkward lingering eye contact with many of the monks in that hall as I gawked at them, leaving them with confused expressions.

Gratitude is not a feeling; it is a state of mind that can be developed, and it allows us to tap into a reservoir of unlimited positive energy. Being grateful happens in two steps. The first is to realize that there is good in the world and that good has fallen upon us. The second is to know that goodness is coming from something other than us, an external reality is giving the gifts of grace to our very own reality. This could be our family, our friends, nature and even God. We have so much to be grateful for!

Just like our tongue can be obsessed with something stuck in our teeth, our mind has a default setting to be obsessed about the negative.

‘I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ’Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.’ —Leonardo da Vinci

We must learn how to press pause and reflect on what we are grateful for. It is not good enough to say that we are too busy to be grateful.

Gratitude is not merely an emotion; it is a way of life which can be learnt and practised. We must prioritize the time to practise gratitude, and one of the many ways to do it is by writing a gratitude log daily.

When things are beyond your control and there is nothing you can do, why worry?

Some things in life are beyond our control. When we are in that situation, we feel overwhelmed as we try everything in our power to control it. But that is useless!

Spirituality is based on the premise that we live in this world, but we are not from it. Many of our problems lie in not understanding our fundamental identity: we are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences. It’s impossible to realize this principle theoretically. We can attend hundreds of lectures and read volumes of books; but this is inadequate without us committing to a spiritual practice, or sadhana as it is known in Sanskrit.

We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences. We are not this body; we are a spiritual being.

There are many ways to connect to God. We may have our own, which is great, and we should go deeper into it. One of the most effective methods that has worked really well for me is mantra meditation.

‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.’ —Solomon

‘Everything has its utility and must be used in that particular way. Would you ever use a ruler to measure the temperature? I hope not. We should use things for the purpose they have been designed for but should treat them with the utmost dignity, value and respect.’

‘Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold.’

‘It is said that we can control two things in our life, our desires and our motives. Our desires govern what we want and our motives tell us why we want it.

“It was not what you said, it’s how you said it.” Our tone of voice, body language and facial expressions account for more than the words we use.

This is not to say that we should tolerate abuse or not do the sensible thing and correct someone when they are wrong, but in order to practise forgiveness, we have to learn to separate the incident from the person.

Saying ‘it is your problem’ causes us to feel angry. How many times have we pointed our index finger at someone and used the words, ‘It’s your problem, not mine.’ I have never seen anyone say those words in a peaceful state of mind. Blaming the other person only leads to a spiral of anger.

Look beyond the situation: If we are hurt by someone’s words, try to understand why they spoke them. When people act harshly towards us, most of the time they are suffering too. This is empathy.

Offering gifts and accepting gifts, opening one’s mind and inquiring in confidence, sharing food and receiving food are the six exchanges that develop loving relationships.

‘One reason I thought of was that he was, possibly, envious of me. When one harbours ill feelings towards others wanting to be like them or better than them but does not act on those feelings, it is called jealousy. Although the feeling eats one up from the inside, one still has the self-control to not harm the other person. However, when one does act on those feelings, jealously turns into envy. And envy is the root cause of being competitive with others in a way where one does not mind going to any extent to take their place.

‘If we do have to compare ourselves with others, we should compare positive attitudes.

Every individual has something unique in them. If God were to reveal that talent to us straight away, from the very day we were born, there would be no excitement in our journey. God covers our talent, skills and potential only so that we have the chance to discover it. And in the process of doing so, in trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives, there is a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Self-discovery is not a one-time event but an ongoing evolution, and as life goes on we discover how much we are capable of achieving.

We should understand ourselves to know what is meaningful to us, and what we want to devote our time to. This can be done by understanding our purpose, which takes dedication and patience.

The Japanese have a model called ikigai or a ‘reason to live’, which is composed of four traits we need to understand: What do we love? What are we good at? What does the world need? What can we be paid for?

If we are older and have not yet figured out our purpose, we can follow the principle: love what we have to do and do what we love to do.

‘Earn with integrity, spend with compassion.’ —Radhanath Swami

Krishna inspired Arjuna to fight and win back the throne. In one sense, it was not the throne of the Pandavas. It was the throne of the people of their kingdom who needed the strong value-based leadership of the Pandavas for their society to thrive. Therefore, spirituality does not kill our ambition; it redirects it towards the service of others.

when God blesses us with more because of doing so, we should not only increase the standard of our living but also the standard of our giving.

‘The moral is that spiritual people do not intentionally harm others, nor do they cheat others in business. However, at the same time, they do not behave timidly when it comes to work. Humility or meekness does not mean you are a pushover, it means you understand how to behave properly in all scenarios.

Spirituality helps develop good character. It is character that shines bright when words fail to do so.

Vichaar: The philosophy that we seek answers from. This helps us understand how life should be lived, and how spirituality should be practised. These concepts, in turn, are the universal lighthouse principles that guide us towards living a life of value.

Aachaar: Based on the philosophy is the physical action which leads to a transformation in our value system and helps us develop good conduct and character. When one’s character is transformed by following even a sentence of the rich philosophy, then those actions are called aachaar.

Prachaar: The good conduct of a spiritual practitioner inspires others to have faith in the philosophy and values of spirituality. Without having to give a single sermon, we can reach out to many just by being exemplary and ...

We can only share wealth with others if we possess wealth. Similarly, we can love others only if we know what it feels like to be loved. We can only bring hope to others if we feel hope for ourselves. In conclusion, we can only give to others what we possess.

‘You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.’ —Desmond Tutu

Our circle of selflessness should not end with our family. We should help those outside of our immediate care and affection too.

‘You need an attitude of service. You’re not just serving yourself. You help others to grow up and you grow with them.’ —David Green

‘The service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.’ —Muhammad Ali

Right Action: We must express our love through the correct action. We must behave and act in a way that is in line with spiritual principles. Right Intention: Our intentions must be selfless. When we want something for ourselves in return for our service, such as prestige or money, our intentions become tainted. Just as distilling water multiple times makes it cleaner, continuously checking our intentions makes them purer. Right Mood: We must serve in a way that is favourable for our growth. Serving because ‘we have to’ or because ‘it’s the right thing to do’ is good, but it’s not the same as serving from the depths of our hearts.

You can turn your passion into your purpose by using one of the three R’s: Relevance: Is your passion directly relevant to helping others? For example, being a teacher can be a rewarding profession: you can earn a living, whilst simultaneously enriching young minds. Resources: Does your situation allow you to use its benefits to help others? This could be your status to influence change, your money to help with philanthropy or your network to change hearts. Remainder of your time: Your situation may give you flexibility, to have the time to carry out what you’re passionate about outside of your day-to-day work. There are many people who work all day at the office, but come alive serving the homeless afterwards.