Gay men have usually grown up as outsiders, and outsiders often hope to present themselves as “just like” insiders and receive the benefits and approval that insiders grant other insiders. But psychologically, the question remains: Are men who fall in love with other men and get married just like heterosexual men in conventional marriages? Both gay lives and gay relationships have a long, necessarily independent history of improvisation and invention, largely born of a gay sensibility. Without traditional social models to draw on, gay men have had to discover ways to be themselves in a manner
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