The Montessori Toddler: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being

by Simone Davies

start small—work with what you already have, put away some of the toys you already have so that you can rotate them, start to really observe the children as they follow their interests—and

Toddlers live in the present moment. Walking down the street with a toddler can be a delight. While we make lists in our heads of the errands we need to run and what we need to cook for dinner, they remain present and spot the weeds growing up from a crack in the pavement.

When we spend time with a toddler, they show us how to be present. They are focused on the here and now.

Toddlers do not hold grudges. Picture a toddler who wants to stay at the park when it’s time to leave. They melt down. The tantrum may even last half an hour. But once they calm down (sometimes with help), they go back to being their cheerful, curious selves—unlike adults, who can wake up on the wrong side of the bed and be cranky all day.

Toddlers are authentic. I love spending time with toddlers because they are direct and honest. Their authenticity is infectious.

They know how to be themselves. They don’t doubt themselves. They do not judge others. We would do well to learn from them.

Toddlers need to move. Just as an animal does not like to be caged, our toddlers will not sit still for long. They want to keep mastering movement. Once standing, they move on to climbing and walking. Once walking, they want to run and to move heavy objects—the heavier the better. There is even a name for the desire to challenge themselves to the highest level by, for example, carrying big objects or moving heavy bags and furniture: maximum effort.

The Montessori approach is neither permissive nor bossy. Instead, it teaches parents to be calm leaders for our children.

Toddlers need order and consistency. Toddlers prefer things to be exactly the same every day—the same routine, things in the same place, and the same rules. It helps them understand, make sense of their world, and know what to expect.

When limits are not consistent, toddlers will keep testing them to see what we decide today. If they find it works to nag or melt down, they will try again....

Toddlers need time to process what we are saying. Instead of repeatedly telling our child to put on their shoes, we can count to ten in our head to allow them time to process our request. Often, by the time we get to eight, we’ll see them start to respond.

Toddlers like to contribute and be part of the family. They seem to be more interested in the objects their parents use than they are in their toys. They really like to work alongside us as we prepare food, do the laundry, get ready for visitors, and the like. When we allow more time, set things up for success, and lower our expectations of the outcome, we teach our young child a lot about being a contributing member of the family.

What can be super embarrassing to hear a toddler say in public is actually the child’s inability to lie, a model of honesty.

Larry Page and Sergey Brin (founders of Google), Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon), Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (former first lady), and Gabriel García Márquez (Nobel Prize–winning novelist) all attended Montessori schools.

In Montessori education there is a dynamic relationship between the child, the adult, and the learning environment. The child is in charge of their own learning, supported by the adult and the environment.

The environment attracts the child and the child learns from the materials in the environment. The adult and environment are also affecting each other. The adult prepares the environment, observes, and makes adjustments where necessary to meet the child’s needs.

In her writing, Dr. Montessori reiterates that the objective of Montessori education is not to fill a child with facts, but to cultivate their own natural desire to learn.

1. Prepared environment

I set up activities that are just the right level for the children—challenging to master but not so difficult that they will give up. • I make sure the children have the tools they need to succeed—I look for trays they can carry, cloths at the ready to wipe up spills, a supply of art materials so they can practice and repeat, child-sized implements like spreaders for putting toppings onto crackers, and the smallest of glasses for drinking. • I sit on the floor to see what it looks like from their height. I place artwork for them to enjoy low on the walls and plants for them to look after on the floor or on low tables. • I prepare the space so it is simple and beautiful. I remove any clutter, I set out a few, well-chosen activities, and I make sure that activities are complete and not missing any parts so the children can work with them independently.

This never feels like “cleaning the classroom.” The purpose of this preparation is to make things as attractive to them as possible and to allow the children freedom to explore and learn.

The discoveries children make for themselves—particularly within a prepared environment—build wonder in the child and a love of learning. They do not need to be directed to explore the environment.

From birth until about the age of 6, children take in information effortlessly. Dr. Montessori referred to this as the absorbent mind. From birth to the age of 3, they do this completely unconsciously.

Responsibilities because, as Dr. Montessori points out, a sponge can absorb dirty water as easily as it can clean water. A child will pick up negative experiences as easily as positive experiences. They can even pick up our feelings and attitudes, for example, when we drop something and get frustrated with ourselves (as opposed to forgiving ourselves) or if we have a fixed mind-set that we are bad at drawing (as opposed to a growth mind-set where we might show that we can always keep improving our skills). We can therefore be mindful, as much as possible, to be positive role models for our young children, to provide beauty, and to offer kindness for them to absorb.

Through independence the child learns how to be responsible for caring for themselves, others, and the environment.

Montessori activities for toddlers fall into five main areas: 1. eye-hand coordination 2. music and movement 3. practical life (activities of daily life) 4. arts and crafts 5. language

Many Montessori activities have a beginning, middle, and end. The child may begin with a small part of the sequence and, as they develop, will be able to complete the full work cycle, including replacing the activity on the shelf. They experience peace while they are practicing the activity—and satisfaction once they complete it.

Montessori activities are complete. Completing an activity is important for their sense of mastery.

A child has the freedom to choose an activity. Our spaces are set up to encourage this freedom of choice by displaying a limited number of activities that they are working to master.

Ideally, we don’t interrupt our child’s deep focus. A simple comment from us can distract them from whatever they are working to master, and they may abandon the activity completely. Wait until they look to us for feedback, step in to offer help when they are frustrated,

Put the activity away when finished When the child is finished with an activity, we can encourage them to return it to its place on the shelf. This routine emphasizes that there is a beginning, middle, and end to a task.

Put out only as much as we want to clean up,

The Montessori philosophy is to wait until they are over 6 years old to introduce fantasy (especially scary fantasy), when they begin to understand the difference between reality and fantasy.

What to look for in books: • Realistic pictures. This is what children see in their daily lives and can immediately and more easily relate to—rather than having a bear driving a car, look for pictures of people behind the wheel. • Beautiful images. Children will absorb the beauty of the artwork in the book, so look for gorgeous illustrations. • Number of words. For young toddlers we may have single words or simple sentences on a page. This will build to longer sentences on a page for older toddlers. Older toddlers also enjoy rhyming books. And don’t forget poetry books. • Different types of pages. Start with board books; move on to paper pages as the child learns how to handle books. Lift-the-flap books are also fun for toddlers and teach children to be careful as they open the flaps. • Books we enjoy. Children pick up a love of reading from adults, so choose books you will want to read many times, knowing that a toddler will often shout, “Again! Again!” • Books that reflect diversity. Find books that reflect families, races, nationalities, and belief systems that are different from our own.

Don’t forget to include moments of silence in the day. It is difficult to filter out background noise, and it’s not ideal for language acquisition. In addition, we adults like to give our children feedback on everything they do. But it is also okay to remain silent sometimes and allow our child to evaluate for themselves what they have done.

“Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and, when the grass of the meadows is damp with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath its shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them in the morning as it wakes every living creature that divides its day between waking and sleeping.”

There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.

Eight tips for setting up your home 1. Child-sized. Find furniture that the child can manage without help. Look for chairs and tables that are the right height to allow their feet to sit flat on the floor; cut the legs of the furniture a bit if necessary. 2. Beauty in the space. Display art and plants at the child’s height for them to enjoy. 3. Independence. Have activities and materials set up in trays and baskets so they have everything they need at the ready; look for ways to make it easy for the child to help themselves. 4. Attractive activities. Have age-appropriate activities beautifully arranged on shelves—rather than in toy boxes—that are inviting to them. 5. Less is more. Displaying only a few activities helps the child’s concentration; display only the ones they are working to master, so they don’t feel overwhelmed. 6. A place for everything and everything in its place. Toddlers have a particularly strong sense of order. When we have a place for everything and everything is in its place, it helps them learn where things belong (and where to put them away). 7. See the space through their eyes. Get down to the child’s height in each space to see what it looks like from their perspective. We may see some tempting wires or some clutter under the shelves, or it may feel overwhelming. 8. Store and rotate. Create storage that ideally is out of children’s sight and easy on the eye—think floor-to-ceiling cupboards that blend into the wall color, an attic space, or...

• A changing area. Once they are standing, children wearing diapers often don’t like to be laid down to be changed. Instead, we can change them standing up in the bathroom to introduce them to the idea that this is where they will use the toilet. We can also start to offer the potty or toilet as part of the changing routine

such a tidy house. We have too many things. The first step is to reduce the number of toys, books, and arts and crafts materials, and the general

Keep out just the few things the child is using a lot. It’s about continually finding the right number of activities to keep the toddler engaged without holding on to ones that no longer capture their interest.

Toddlers do not let go of items easily. Get them used to the idea that the items are going into a box for charity or for another family.

Raising toddlers can be a lot of work, and we can get pretty tired. So we can also set up our homes to make things easier for them and, consequently, for ourselves.

we want our homes to be “yes” spaces that are safe for our toddlers to explore. When we find ourselves saying “no”—for example, when our child is touching something dangerous or banging on glass—we can look for ways to set up the space to remove the temptation.

We can cover an electrical outlet that is proving tempting, move furniture to block places we don’t want them to explore, use child safety locks on a cupboard we don’t want opened, or put a fragile glass cabinet into storage until our child is a little older.

If we can’t make the whole home safe, we can at least make one area a “yes” space where our child can play freely, perhap...