WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game

by Abby Wambach

Recently, on a call with a company hiring me to teach about leadership, a man said, “Excuse me, Abby, I just need to ensure that what you present is applicable to men, too.” I said, “Good question! But only if you’ve asked every male speaker you’ve hired if his message is applicable to women, too.”

Old Rule: Be grateful for what you have. New Rule: Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve.

What keeps the pay gap in existence is not just the entitlement and complicity of men. It’s the gratitude of women. Our gratitude is how power uses the tokenism of a few women to keep the rest of us in line.

CALL TO THE WOLFPACK: Be grateful. But do not JUST be grateful. Be grateful AND brave. Be grateful AND ambitious. Be grateful AND righteous. Be grateful AND persistent. Be grateful AND loud. Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve.

You are allowed to be disappointed when it feels like life’s benched you. What you aren’t allowed to do is miss your opportunity to lead from the bench. If you’re not a leader on the bench, don’t call yourself a leader on the field. You’re either a leader everywhere or nowhere.

If you have a voice, you have influence to spread. If you have relationships, you have hearts to guide. If you know young people, you have futures to mold. If you have privilege, you have power to share. If you have money, you have support to give. If you have a ballot, you have policy to shape. If you have pain, you have empathy to offer. If you have freedom, you have others to fight for. If you are alive, you are a leader.

Old Rule: Failure means you’re out of the game. New Rule: Failure means you’re finally IN the game.

the lessons of yesterday’s loss become the fuel for tomorrow’s win.

Women haven’t yet accessed the power of failure. When it comes, we panic, deny it, or reject it outright. Worst-case scenario, we view failure as proof that we were always unworthy imposters. Men have been allowed to fail and keep playing forever. Why do we let failure take us out of the game?

Perfection is not a prerequisite of leadership.

We’ve been living by the old rules that insist that a woman must be perfect before she’s worthy of showing up. Since no one is perfect, this rule is an effective way to keep women out of leadership preemptively.

Women must stop accepting failure as our destruction and start using failure as our fuel. Failure is not something to be ashamed of—nor is it proof of unworthiness. Failure is something to be powered by.

I’ve never scored a goal in my life without getting a pass from someone else. Every goal I’ve ever scored belonged to my entire team. When you score, you better start pointing.

Her victory is your victory. Celebrate with her. Your victory is her victory. Point to her.