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Sometimes romance isn’t cuddle sessions and lingerie—it’s clinging to the edge of the mattress and praying you don’t topple over when your wife decides to hog the entire bed.
We aren’t married, not anymore. But I won’t forget what you’re doing for me, Holly. I needed this and I needed you. When you need me next, don’t hesitate to ask. We’re family, even if it’s not the way we always envisioned, and I learned a long time ago to never take family for granted. Jackson.
Truth: letting Holly walk away is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Truth: I may have brought up divorce first but only because Holly had lost her spark, her luster, and I wasn’t enough anymore to rekindle her fire. Lie: I’ve moved on.
“There was never going to be any fixing when we weren’t willing to compromise. We wouldn’t change—that was our downfall.”
Me: Tonight, I took my first breath of air in over a year. This thing between us . . . it’s not over, sweetheart. If you think I’ve ruined you for anyone else, just know that for me there’s been no one else. Full stop. Period. I’m ready to breathe again, Holls, and I only do that with you.
“But you can’t make a life out of relying on someone else’s happiness to fuel your own and make you feel complete, even if that happiness is your husband’s.”
“But when I finally had something of my own to show, I may as well have been married to a ghost.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry for making you feel like I didn’t care. That I wasn’t proud of you and everything you’ve done. That you felt, even for one damn second, that you were taken for granted . . . and that when you were no longer there in reach every moment of the day, you weren’t worth my time anymore.”
“I’ve brought you to your knees,” she whispers, “now do something about it.”
“Always you, sweetheart. Always you.”
I didn’t want you to see me as anyone but the man who loves you beyond reason. But I realized today . . . I can’t do this without you by my side. I need your strength when I’ve got none left. I need your love when everything feels like it’s going to hell. No one compares to you, Holly. Not for me. For me, it’s always been you.”
