The Bridge Home

by Padma Venkatraman

“But you’re full, too. You’re full of feelings you won’t share and thoughts you won’t voice.”

I suppose you’d like to hear the fairy tale you’d make me tell every night we huddled together on the ruined bridge. The story that began with Once upon a time, two sisters ruled a magical land, and ended with Viji and Rukku, always together. That story was made up, of course.

“Sorry I lost my temper last night.” He placed a finger on her chin. “I’ll never do it again. Promise.”

If I wanted a better future, I needed to change the life we had. Now.

All she’d done was beg. I would never become like her, I promised myself. I’d never beg anyone for anything.

I saw more people that one day than I’d seen our whole lives. But nobody noticed us. We were in plain sight. But we were invisible.

Until then, I’d thought it was a sad thing that you were sometimes slower than the rest of us. But that day, I realized that slow can be better than fast. Like magic, you could stretch time out when we needed it, so that a moment felt endless. So the taste of half an orange could last and last.

He’d called me akka, older sister. He’d made me family.

“What’s the point of living longer?” “Well, what’s the point of dying sooner?”

Ever since we’d left, you’d been behaving so differently from before. You hadn’t once lost your temper. You’d made friends. You even looked different, because you’d been holding your back straight all the time.

“Don’t you ever think about the future?” I challenged him. “No,” Muthu said. “There’s enough to worry about every day without worrying about tomorrow.”

“I don’t know how you live without dreams.” “The only way I can get through each day,” Arul said quietly, “is by not thinking of all those tomorrows.

“You should be scared of those living men on the bridge, Muthu,” Arul said. “Not scared of these dead ones.”

“Once upon a time,” I said, “two sisters and two brothers lived in a magical land.” “About time you added us,” Muthu said. I could hear a smile in his voice.

“You have to be rich to waste time going on escapades at night instead of catching up on precious sleep.”

“We’re not sweet enough to mourn the worms. Someone should.”

“Boss is better,” Muthu said. “My stepbrother’s the one who sold me.”

“If you choose to drown in loneliness, go ahead, but don’t claim she wasn’t our sister. We’re not just friends, we’re family.”

“Start looking at what you haven’t lost,” Arul said. “Start giving thanks for what you do have.”

The next morning I got a visit from our father. Definitely not the one in heaven.

To carry your laughter with me and march forward. To love you but live in today, not in yesterday. Moving ahead doesn’t mean leaving you behind. I finally understand that.