Evidence of the Affair

by Taylor Jenkins Reid

It is as if I have lived with a hard shell all over my body and you have cracked it and it has all fallen off. I am fresh again.

Do you ever feel like your life got away from you somehow? Lately, it feels like my whole life has a similar feeling to when you check the clock on a Saturday and realize it’s already half past four.

Lying has just become so much easier than telling the truth. I don’t remember when things got so hard. But life has been a matter of keeping our heads above water for years now.

Often, I feel overwhelmed by this sinking feeling in my heart that I will never be enough.

I’ve always been struck by the idea that you can’t be all that happy something has returned if it doesn’t go away in the first place.

Sometimes I think mine might turn to stone any minute now, and yet every time I see you I soften, reminded of how you still choose kindness over anger at every step.

It seems as if you see me exactly as I wish to be seen. There is no greater gift than that.

You gave me hope and perspective and confidence. Right before you gave me my baby.