Reactive (The Elite Trials #1)

by Becky Moynihan

the buzzing undercurrent taunted me. A reminder that I was nothing more than a trapped creature who was subject to the whims of her master.

A wild light glinted in my beast’s eyes, one that refused to dim. She yearned for freedom—like me.

Control was everything. Without it, I never would have lasted this long.

You cannot break me, I chanted. The same chant I repeated during every punishment.

“You always have a choice.”

“You just have to be willing to fight for it.”

Watching him was like seeing myself in a mirror. Action and reaction. Survival instincts kicking in when fear rendered the mind useless.

“Fear is not weakness. It reminds us that we are human—with limitations. We are not gods. But, instead of hiding our fear, what if we faced it? For in facing what makes us afraid, we become stronger.”

“I think,” he said, low and soft, “there’s a whole lot more to you than fists and sarcasm. And I think I’m going to enjoy getting to know the real you.”

“Did you—did you just growl at me?”

“They don’t know what to make of me because I don’t think like they do. And I avoid them because I know all too well who they are.”

There were too many parallels between the heroine’s story and mine. But the beasts in my story couldn’t be tamed, and no enchanted flower could keep them at bay. It was me or them.

“I think scars reveal a lot about a person. They show that you’ve been through tough times but came out stronger than before. They show that you’ve worked hard, harder than most.” He raised his eyes to mine and I was trapped in their snare. “And I think a person should never be ashamed of their scars. Wear them with pride.”

“Soooo, see anything you like?” I droned. “Yes.” When I looked to see where his gaze was, I about leapt out of my skin. He was looking at . . . me.

Water was peace.

It was the only time I could escape the here and now, and the raging thoughts that consumed my being all too often. In the water, thinking was impossible.

According to Renold, societies fell when the citizens filled their minds with knowledge.

“I want you to remember something very important, Lune. Your scars are beautiful. You are beautiful, and not just on the outside. Your scars have made you strong—so strong. And that’s what I see. Strength.”

The Elite Trials Winter Gala was a mockery.

“You always have a choice,” he whispered. “You just have to be willing to fight for it.”

“I want to change things for good. But sometimes, for things to get better, they first have to get worse.”

“Haven’t you been listening?” His eyes holding mine captive rivaled the sun for intensity. “When will you see that you’re not alone anymore! I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“When we’re in there, follow my lead. I won’t let him harm you. Can you trust me with this?” Trust. Was he really asking me to trust him? It was impossible to blindly trust a person shrouded in secrets. Right? Trust him, my instincts implored—begged, even. I nodded, my pulse spurring into a sickening spiral. “You’d better be real, Brendan Bearon.” “I am. I promise you, I am.”

The price of letting others in was pain. Because caring hurt. And I couldn’t seem to stop. I cared more and more each day, giving away pieces of myself

until my heart was scattered throughout this black city. Even if I did make it out, I wouldn’t be leaving whole.

Freedom was almost within reach, but I’d never felt more trapped.

Bren’s words rung true. The Trials were my fate and I would face them. Life wasn’t a fairytale. The princess needed to save herself, not cower in fear.

Here in this prison, with a boy who should be my enemy but wasn’t, I had found real happiness.

My sweet, faithful charger obeyed, lurching over the finish line a second before Napoleon and Ryker, but elation over the win never came. Not when I realized that the price of freedom was betrayal.

“You are my weakness,” he murmured against my lips, kissing gently, reverently. I felt a spike of alarm at that, remembering words from earlier today. But before I could frown, tell him how dangerous that was, he finished with, “But more than anything, you are my strength.”

To survive out there, you must adapt. Learn new skills. In a chaotic world, the calm live long.”

“But don’t you see? Trapped in this city, I die a little every day. How is that living?”

“You have me. And Asher and Iris. You’re not alone, little bird, and that’s what you continually fail to see.”

“I make no promises. I’ll kill him if it means saving your life. I know how you feel about this, but I’m not going to lose you. Not when I finally found you.”

I would never forget this moment, when two supposed enemies became strong allies. When my kidnapper did everything in his power to set me free. So, when the raging bear charged, I didn’t waver. I didn’t run. I didn’t hesitate. I faced my fear and destroyed it.

Yes. The city’s populace were sharks. Maybe not all, but jealousy and desperation changed and dehumanized people. They would strike at the first sign of weakness, tearing others down so they could rise instead.

I leaned into his touch, soaking up his offered strength and protection. And I didn’t feel weak. I felt like I could face the sharks and come out the other side, whole and alive.

Two weeks later, Bren disappeared. I had pushed him away after the Winner’s Ceremony, not able to cope with the final loss of my freedom.

And there he was, the greatest monster of them all. I would have rather faced the raging mutant bear in that moment than the soft-spoken, meticulously dressed man standing in the middle of the room.

You’re different; the Trials proved that. After thirty-four years of waiting, the Trials finally did what I created them for. They revealed what a person is truly capable of. You don’t think like the rest. You think more. You feel more. You do more. You’re pure reaction, Lune. It’s incredible.”