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They think that somehow it will be easier for everyone if the adoption is tucked away onto a dark shelf on top of the closet, never to be acknowledged. But as we now know, the seed of identity, of knowing, of desire for the correct origin story will sprout even under the most airtight, closed-off conditions.
An indelible yearning for knowledge eclipses the positive, protective intentions of closed adoptions. Adoptees need to know their story and that they weren’t “given away” because of something they were or did; birth parents need to fully grieve and know their children are OK; adoptive parents need to fill in the blanks about their child’s prehistory and help answer their questions. Secrecy equals shame. Illumination is powerful medicine.
knew from all my adoption training and subsequent learning that the original separation wound is something that heals to various degrees in different people, but it is always there
Because all you get in this lifetime is yourself, and everyone else is a gift given for an uncertain period of time.
