If you’re wondering why I didn’t just leave and find another apartment, know that it never crossed my mind once. A combination of being taught from birth to survive anything, I had become a creature who could deny all my physical and emotional needs existed. I don’t even feel them anymore; if I can get through it and not die, I have no other needs. A huge part of this, I think, came from my lack of a capital-letter Family, a lack of having backup. I’ve talked to friends who will say when they’ve been in shitty situations, they’ll call their parents. I truly don’t know anyone with family who
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