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I secretly think you picked me to be your matron of honor
because you knew I'd be a blimp." Bee laughed. "You're right. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're my best friend."
"It feels like a boy. I can't explain it. But I know it is."
I held her at arm's length. "A disaster? As long as no one gets shot, I think we're good." "It's still too soon to joke."
Now please stop agreeing with your father about everything. I'm the one carrying you around for months." My words earned me another sharp kick in the ribs.
"I heard, baby girl. Did you have fun?" "Yes." She pulled away from me and frowned. "But I'm just girl now. This is baby."
Maybe the end was too sad. There should have been hope. Or a happy ending. But I refused to change our story. It had felt like my life was over in that coffee shop. I had been numb. That's how this book had to end. The next one could end on a happy note. I pictured James proposing on one knee.
"There." He put his hands on both sides of my face. "That smile. How can you think that you're worthless when I live and breathe each day just to see that smile."
His kiss silenced my laughter. God, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in his arms.
But I'm scared too. Does that help? I'm terrified every day that the baby I put inside of you is going to kill you."
We both waddled after our energetic friends who didn't know what it was like to carry a human inside of them.
And fuck everyone else too. Bored housewife my ass. I wasn't some young trophy wife like
the tabloids claimed. Clearly. People who got rejected as much as me weren't trophies.
"I like your stretch marks." He kissed the side of my stomach. "They remind me of the gift you've given me." He kissed the other side of my stomach. "And I like tying your shoes."
"I dream of more than that, Miss Taylor. I want you to take my last name. I want to put my babies inside of you. I want to grow old with you. You want to relive a moment from our past. But you don't even know what was going through my head when I fucked you for the first time."
Love underlined everything we did.
"No. I will never fall for someone new. You're it for me, Penny. You're everything. My heart will stop beating the second that yours does."
I laughed. "That one sound." He closed his eyes. "How can a sound be my favorite thing in the world?"
I truly believed that it was possible to meet someone so perfect for you that you could no longer exist without them.
James was my heart. My soul. My everything.
"Mommy, it's not fair. The stork is going to take the
baby. And then the snake is going to take you. And I'll only have Daddy. And Daddy will be too sad to be a good daddy when you're gone."
"No, Mommy, he's my boyfriend. That's different. You
can't be best friends with your boyfriend."
"Actually, you can be. Daddy's my best friend too." "Really?" "Mhm."
He should have Scarlett's birth date under the date he met me. His heart beat for all of us. I let my fingers fall from his skin.
He wasn't just some frat boy I hooked up with once. He was one of my best friends. I respected him and I cared about him. He just wasn't the hero of my story. He was the hero of Hailey's.
"Only with you am I strong. Only with you am I good. Only with you am I whole."
"This is all consuming, terrifying, heart stopping love. It's the greatest kind of love." He let one of his hands fall from my cheek and he pressed it against my chest. "You put words to my own thoughts when you said that. You're my one, baby." He pressed his forehead against mine. "My everything.
There is no moving on after you. There is no me without you."
Yesterday I was upset that he claimed his heart only beat for me. But today I didn't want it any other way. I didn't care how selfish that was. He was mine and I was his.
All I knew was that it wasn't just a chill down my spine. It was like my whole body felt cold.
"I can carry a little ice," I said. "You can do anything. But it doesn't mean you should." He smiled at me.
"Because life without this feeling, the feeling that you give me, isn't a life that I'm interested in at all."
What the fuck was James doing with some beautiful woman in London? And why had he lied to me about it?
"Penny, you're not allowed to leave us. Do you hear me? Open your eyes, okay?"
I needed to kiss her lips. I needed to smell her hair. I needed to feel her skin against mine. I gripped the sink even harder. Penny had always been my drug. Taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. Sound. She was everything. Without her, I had nothing left.
She was so pale. The fire I had felt had evaporated as quickly as it had come. And all I could feel was pain. My chest ached. I couldn't breathe.
"Worthy of you instead of just lucky," Rob said. "What?" "That's what Penny wanted. She thought writing a book and making a name for herself would make her worthy of you. Instead of just lucky that you chose her. That's
why she wanted it. That's why she didn't want your help with it." "Did she tell you that?"
I pushed open the door. "Penny never left your hospital bed after you got shot," he said to my back. "Never."
He needed to be in his mother's arms. Not shut off from the world. Like me.
What the fuck was I doing? Why would I believe the word of some incompetent lawyer? And a doctor that probably couldn't even distinguish my wife from any other patient?
"Because life without this feeling, the feeling that you give me, isn't a life that I'm interested in at all."
But I know the signs now. And Penny was not depressed. She couldn't wait to give birth to her son. She couldn't wait for you to come back from London. She was fighting the news about her heart condition with strength, not fear. She was full of life and laughter and..."
We both feel so lucky in our relationships. Not repressed or scared or upset. Lucky. She would never willingly leave this world. And you know that. I know you do."
smiled down at my son. Liam. Strong-willed warrior. "I need you to be strong for your mom. Because she's being strong for us."
I looked over to the window. Scarlett had her hand pressed against the glass, like she wished she was with us. And it felt like ice melted off my heart. My family wasn't broken. But it was breaking. Someone was trying to ruin us.
"You know, some people say another person shouldn't complete you. That you should be whole without having to rely on another soul. That you should just be happy the way you are. Do you know
what I say to that? Fuck them. I don't care if no one understands us. I don't care if something like this isn't comprehensible to the average person. Because the average person hasn't experienced this love. Our love. Our story. A great love."
