Such a person is presented with a choice between two alternatives, neither of which is satisfactory: one either choses the relationship and gives up the self, or retains the sense of self but gives up on the relationship—and, in some cases, on almost all social contact. The unsolved problem is how to be oneself in contact with other people. People desperate for a relationship will surrender their sense of self, their true feelings, for fear of being rejected; when they have gained the relationship they may pull back, as Trevor repeatedly has, in order to reconnect with that precarious sense of
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