One Part Woman: A Novel

by Perumal Murugan

He never could resist the desire to possess what attracted him.

Only when a tree is small can you notice its growth. When it is bigger, it continues to grow, but imperceptibly.

She must have been thinking about how the tree had grown so lush and abundant in twelve years while not even a worm had crawled in her womb. Every wretched thing reminded her of that lack.

‘That is just how some cows are. No matter what you do, they never get pregnant. Just quietly change the cow. If you say yes, I can fetch you one right away.’

It annoyed Kali that though they might have a million things wrong with their own lives, people found great pleasure in poking and prodding other people’s miseries. Couldn’t they even remember they were in a public place? What kind of pride comes from knowing that the other person does not have what one has? Does everyone have everything? Isn’t there always something lacking?

‘I may or may not have children. What is it to you? Shut up and leave!’ he felt like yelling. But he never could. What stopped him from reciprocating their rudeness? Ponna was able to give cheeky retorts. He could not.

‘Devatha is no one but Maadhorubaagan himself,’ sermonized the priest. ‘Only people who are ignorant tell these stories. For hundreds of years, our family has been conducting rituals for the half-female god. Many saints have sung his praise, calling him “Mother God”, “One Part Woman”, and so on. The male and female together make the world. To show that to us, the Lord stands here combined with the Goddess.

It is only when we give half of ourselves—both body and mind—to the woman that we can be good husbands. Even though we are born male, we also have feminine qualities within us. Considering all this, elders have called him Maadhorubaagan, One Part Woman. There is no female without the male, and no male without the female. The world goes on only when they come together.

If she fell, he would fall down with her too. It might be possible to live without her. But he couldn’t live with the allegations.

It seemed that people who had children could do anything they wanted—that only they had such rights. But Ponna was aware of her sharp tongue and what it could unleash at any moment.

Even when you have spent years with some people, their real faces are revealed only when the right time comes. God knows how many faces lie concealed forever, with no opportunity to reveal themselves.

The wretched people around us do not see what a man has. They only see what he does not have.

‘When you and I went, were we gods? All we wanted was to find some decent-looking women to fuck, didn’t we? Did you ever think of yourself as a god?’

‘It does not matter what we thought of ourselves. If the women get children because of us, we become gods for them.’ ‘Really?! All men there are radiant with divinity, roaming around holding their cocks in their hands. It happened because people were ignorant in those days. Who will send their women now? Will you send your wife?’

Nallayyan used to say, ‘Why do you think we have and raise children? For them to grow up well? No. We do it because we seem to need it for ourselves. That is why we have children and raise them. And then in old age we complain that those children are not taking care of us. It is all plain madness …’

Let him be right. We don’t expect our children to take care of us when we are old. It is enough if we can have a social life because of them. Now we are forced to act like untouchables, fearing if our sight or touch is inauspicious. All we want is to show these people who ostracize us that we too are people just like them.

Here, my face, my body, my appearance—everything has become new. Isn’t this what I need to become a mother?

She had done enough of walking towards the known and the familiar. At least on this one night, she wanted to make full use of the opportunity to walk towards the new and the unknown.