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Ian started out wearing camo fatigues, but I ripped them off with my teeth. That’s how I know I’m dreaming—my mouth isn’t that skillful. In real life, I’d chip a tooth on his zipper.
The only #gains in my life come from binge-watching Chip and Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper.
In college, my professors chastised me for only churning out “puff pieces”. I took it as a compliment. Who doesn’t like puffy things?
-He’s only ever dated tall broody model types with wingspans twice as long as mine. They’re like female pterodactyls.
“He addressed you with letters. I thought the prerequisite for Tinder hookups was to at least be moderately clever. He abbreviated a five-letter word.”
Are there people walking around this planet who don’t like chocolate?
“Everyone at school wants you,” she whispers, eyes wide. “You’re mine and you don’t even know it. I’ve never told you.”
“I’ll make it easy for you: I’ll just get naked and you can come graze, nibble, take what you’d like. I’m like a reasonably priced Chinese buffet.”
“Why do you think I ordered those rings, Hot Lips?” He smirks. “We’re going to have to get married.”
“Let’s have sex.” “Sam, you’re crying.” “Then overload my brain with your mouth.”
