Not So Nice Guy
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2%
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Ian started out wearing camo fatigues, but I ripped them off with my teeth. That’s how I know I’m dreaming—my mouth isn’t that skillful. In real life, I’d chip a tooth on his zipper.
3%
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The only #gains in my life come from binge-watching Chip and Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper.
3%
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In college, my professors chastised me for only churning out “puff pieces”. I took it as a compliment. Who doesn’t like puffy things?
4%
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-He’s only ever dated tall broody model types with wingspans twice as long as mine. They’re like female pterodactyls.
9%
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“He addressed you with letters. I thought the prerequisite for Tinder hookups was to at least be moderately clever. He abbreviated a five-letter word.”
16%
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Are there people walking around this planet who don’t like chocolate?
47%
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“Everyone at school wants you,” she whispers, eyes wide. “You’re mine and you don’t even know it. I’ve never told you.”
50%
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“I’ll make it easy for you: I’ll just get naked and you can come graze, nibble, take what you’d like. I’m like a reasonably priced Chinese buffet.”
61%
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“Why do you think I ordered those rings, Hot Lips?” He smirks. “We’re going to have to get married.”
66%
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“Let’s have sex.” “Sam, you’re crying.” “Then overload my brain with your mouth.”