Not So Nice Guy

by R.S. Grey

HELLO, MOST GUYS HAVE MOMMY ISSUES! LET ME BE YOUR MOMMY ISSUE!

-He’s only ever dated tall broody model types with wingspans twice as long as mine. They’re like female pterodactyls.

-Oh, and then of course there was that one time I forced myself to dress up as slutty Hermione (his weakness) for Halloween and tried to seduce him. He told me I looked more like frizzy-haired Hermione from the early years and less like post-pubescent Yule Ball Hermione. Cue quiet meltdown.

-Oh, and there was the Halloween party last year when she dressed up like Hermione and I tried to kiss her and she laughed in my face…and then puked on my shoes.

Are there people walking around this planet who don’t like chocolate?

He nods, taking in my information with a big smile. This guy really thinks he’s going to get Sam—my Sam.

I’m a guy who’s in love with his best friend, a woman who seems to eat her cake but also keep it in a hermetically sealed cryopreservation tank for all eternity.

“Everyone at school wants you,” she whispers, eyes wide. “You’re mine and you don’t even know it. I’ve never told you.”

“Why do you think I ordered those rings, Hot Lips?” He smirks. “We’re going to have to get married.”

Fuckibg cute