The more they idealize each other at this phase, the more lasting their marriage is likely to be in the decades to come. Love relies a bit on generous idealizations. Judith Wallerstein, the marriage counselor, observes, “Many of the divorced couples I’ve seen appear to have never idealized each other. I’ve learned to ask myself about a divorcing couple (obviously I can’t ask it directly), was there ever a marriage here? Was there ever love, joy, hope, or idealization in this relationship? Often, I’m hard put to find it. Divorce does not always represent an erosion of love or high expectations;
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