Punk 57

by Penelope Douglas

Do you notice that, too? How all of us just want to get through life as quickly and as easily as possible? And even though we know that without risk there’s no reward, we’re still so scared to chance it?

I learned a long time ago that you don’t need to reveal everything inside of you to the people around you. They like to judge, and I’m happier when they don’t. Some things stay hidden.

“They think you’re homeless,” I tell him, turning back and seeing his eyes drift from them up to me. “But you’re not eating, and you don’t speak. I think you’re a ghost.”

“You just reminded all of us that love is truly only skin-deep.”

I miss you every day, I write. You’re my favorite place.

But I guess my absolute favorite place, other than you, of course, is my house.

“Nah,” I step in, shutting my locker. “Two different color palettes. I’m a Mountain Sunset. He’s a Smokey Night.”

At least my Ryen is still in there somewhere.

“Don’t move,” Ryen whispers in my ear, and I feel a sharp point digging into the back of my neck. “I’d hate for this pen to slip.” I shake with a shocked laugh. She didn’t like being served back in the stacks, and now she’s lost her mind. Excellent.

Until yesterday in the parking lot when I bit and she bit back. That’s my Ryen. And I want to see more.

Am I angry she’s a fake, weak-assed little liar? Yes. But am I happy she’s also got the body of a porn star? Hell yes. She doesn’t have to talk for me to look.

“This cheerleading outfit is fucking lame,” he says. I cock my head. “Funny, ’cause you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off me in it a minute ago.”

I lick my lips. And he loses it. He reaches down, grabs the backs of my thighs, and hauls me up, and I wrap my arms and legs around him, letting out a small whimper. Yes.

“I should’ve walked over, flipped up your skirt, and started going down on you right there, so they all know what you really like.”

“Now do me a favor and go in the lunchroom and sit in Trey’s lap, would you? I wanna look while your fucking prom date has no clue that I just had that ass grinding my cock a minute ago.”

Making sure the girl who got out a few minutes ago is tucked back inside, down deep.

Fifty-seven times I didn’t call Fifty-seven letters I didn’t send, Fifty-seven stitches to breathe again, and then I fucking pretend.

Eventually we all have to weigh what we want more: wanting back what we had or wanting what could be. To stay or to risk everything to move forward.

“You’re okay,” I say gently. “I got you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just had ways to vent before, a way to be heard, and now I don’t. I just started doing it a couple of months ago.”

As soon as I see the two sets of boots disappear and the doors close behind them, I slide my hand down the front of her shorts and cover her mouth with mine, letting out the groan I’ve been holding back.

“You think your friends will hate you when they find out you’re a slut who loves getting finger-fucked on a floor.”

Yes. I kiss her fast, moving over her mouth hard and strong, because I feel like eating, and she’s the only food I want.

“Good girl,” I whisper. “Now take off the other top.”

And something else growing that I don’t want to be there. Something that might make it very hard to leave her. And impossible to forget her.

I want my delinquent.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have lost my dog tags,” I tell him. “You know the ones that say I’m your property and I report to you.”

I reach over and grab a popcorn box, tipping it over and shaking it to show that it’s empty. “Here you go.” I shove it at his chest. “All the fucks I give.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want anyone else. I only think about you.” He pauses, his voice shaky. “I think about you all the time, Ryen.”

And I know right then and there I want to be the only girl he ever looks at like that.

“No one sees you, baby. Just me. And I want to kiss you.”

“Do you keep it bare like that all the time?” he asks, still staring at me. “Do you want me to?”

“Close your eyes. There’s nothing to see out here.”

“Damn, Trey,” Masen says, smirking up at me and flicking out his tongue to lick me. “Your girl’s pussy is so tight.”

“Take off the thong, or I’m ripping it off.”

Anything to not need you, Anything to not fall for you, Anything to look at a girl who’s not you, But baby, there’s nothing but you.

feel like you’re going to disappear any minute. Like you’re not really real.”

He looks up at me and slides his hands under my knees, pulling me off the table and slowly lowering me into his lap, straddling him. Quiet laughter sounds off around the table and a need is suddenly building between my legs.

“Show me what you do with it,” I beg.

“I like watching that ass move, babe.”

“I’ve fucked a lot in this bed. Just never with someone else.” Well, it’s time to pop that cherry.

“I like it when you watch me,” she whispers. “It makes me want to suck your cock.”

“You’re a hot little brat,” I growl over her lips. “But only for me, you got that?”

I grab her breast, squeezing it roughly and making her moan. This is mine.

“Fuck that,” I growl in her ear. “I’m not holding back again.”

I can’t help the stupid, fucking pleasure that swarms my chest. I don’t want to be just a fuck to her, but I’m glad I please her in that area. She owns my head and my body. When she finds out who I am, will she remember how perfect we are?

“You know more than that,” I whisper. “I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re my tribe, Ryen.”

“Even Misha gave up on me.”

“You’re an incredible pain in the ass, but God, I love y—” He stops, and my breath catches in my throat. “It,” he finishes. “I love it. I can’t get enough. I think about you all the time.”

“You belong to me more than you ever did to them.”