Punk 57

by Penelope Douglas

On the current news front, I got into college. Well, a few, actually. It’s funny. I’ve wanted everything in my life to change for so long, and when it’s finally about to, my urge to escape slows down. I think that’s why people stay unhappy for so long, you know? Miserable or not, it’s easier to stick with what’s familiar.

I learned a long time ago that you don’t need to reveal everything inside of you to the people around you. They like to judge, and I’m happier when they don’t. Some things stay hidden.

I polish up my sheen, but you can’t shine shit.

Alone, Empty, Fraud, Shame, Fear . . .

“Close your eyes. There’s nothing to see out here.”

A picture is worth a thousand words, But my thousand words slice deeper. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, Fuck that. I’ve become a hide and seeker. Treat others how you want to be treated, But what if tonight I want to be burned? You told us it’s better to be safe than sorry, And little sister listened, but I was the one who learned. Reap, reap, reap, you don’t even know, All you did suffer is what you did sow! Necessitate, medicate, eradicate, resuscitate. Swallow your Pearls, but for me it was too late. Do better, be more, too many, too much, I’m about to fucking choke, I can’t force it down. So string up the little Wisdoms and wrap them ’round my neck, I’ll strangle myself with your Pearls of Wisdom and die a wreck.

We kept writing because we needed each other, because we made the other one’s life better. But even after knowing her for years, it took no time for me to break what we had. We were perfect for each other. Until we met.

She can be a nightmare, but this still feels better than any dream.

You’re not alone. It gets better. You are important, and you can’t be replaced. Hang on.

No amount of soap and water, perfect nails, or pretty hair could change what I hated about myself on the inside.