Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator

by Gary Noesner

He projected hopelessness and helplessness, the most important suicide warning signs.

While his depression may lead him to suicide, this attention-seeking behavior indicates that at least part of him wants to live. This creates an opening for the negotiator, who, by the act of listening to him and acknowledging his difficulties, can make him realize that there is hope after all.

Koresh had also used his phone line to call his mother and give her his last goodbye, something I would not have wanted to happen.

I protested, saying we might well be able to get things back on track, but they were adamant, violating a core principle of the FBI negotiation program: never confuse getting even with getting what you want.

The very first thing I talk about when training new negotiators is the critical importance of self-control. If we cannot control our own emotions, how can we expect to influence the emotions of another party?

Despite my many disagreements with SAC Jamar, I believe he is an honorable man who did what he thought was best.

I told them how proud of them I was and that their efforts had saved thirty-five people who otherwise would have perished. In fact, I’m as proud of the work of this team as I am of anything else in my entire career.

As it turned out, the man who had volunteered to call in was the wife’s lover.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. —PLATO

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs … —RUDYARD KIPLING

We all need to be good listeners and learn to demonstrate our empathy and understanding of the problems, needs, and issues of others. Only then can we hope to influence their behavior in a positive way.

You might even say that all of life is a negotiation.