Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator

by Gary Noesner

Before we can influence others we must first listen and understand. Listening is the cheapest concession we can ever make.

Law enforcement often overreacts to threats of the kind that Charlie made, even though in most cases such threats are merely defensive, designed to keep the police at bay. Some law officers hear only the threatened action, “I’ll kill this lady,” while failing to hear the conditions under which that action will be taken: “if you try to come in here.” That is one reason why the most critical skills of a negotiator are self-control and the ability to help those around you keep their cool.

It is not only what you say that counts, but how you say it. Being sincere and genuine are powerful tools to gain influence.

The Mickey Mouse Club’s producers reflected this, approaching the FBI with palpable, almost worshipful respect. What I remember most from that show was a segment in which a Mouseketeer spoke with J. Edgar Hoover, the legendary director who had headed the Bureau since 1924.

Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make.

The world’s positive perception of America took a sharp decline in recent years. Some believed that we were acting with arrogance and disregard for the views of others, that we rejected cooperation with the international community and would go our own way. Fortunately, that trend seems to have abated.

We need to do a better job of understanding that others may see the world and its problems differently than we do. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are right or that we are wrong; it’s just a different perspective that needs to be understood and acknowledged.