My Best Friend's Exorcism

by Grady Hendrix

The caption under the photo read: “Mama’s got supper in the oven!”

Without even realizing it, she’d committed the greatest sin of all and made Mr. Lang look like a Democrat.

She’d begged her parents to let her go to the dermatologist, like Gretchen did, but only got a chorus of her mother’s favorite number-one hit single, “We Can’t Afford It.”

‘That was you, God. Thank you! Thank you for taking my load!’”

“See what the Lord has given me!” Christian cried, shredding his mesh tank top and exposing his gleaming muscles. “Take it off!” someone shouted. “I do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” Christian said.

This whole subplot was wild and hilarious.

So you’d better have your ass covered or it’s going to be grass, and I’m going to be the lawn mower.”

“Corn dogs,” the exorcist said, “are all the proof I need that there is a God.”

Abby was embarrassed to be talking about something so crazy at Hot Dog on a Stick.

“I’m Abby Rivers,” she said. “I came here to apologize for ruining your life.”