The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money

by Ron Lieber

That full kit of toys and clothes and gear and enrichment does not make every kid into an overindulged problem child. So how do you know one when you see one—or are in danger of accidentally raising one? Social scientists have spent decades weighing in on this: Materialistic people focus more on stuff than they do on people and relationships. (On a playdate, this looks like a persistent inability to share the object of greatest desire in the room.) They genuinely believe that more stuff will make them happy. (Whining and begging unrelentingly even after they’re out of preschool and ought to be able to accept no for an answer.) They care less about the utility of their stuff and more about what sort of reaction people will have to it. (Bragging after parents capitulate in the face of their begging.) They want too much of the wrong things, or they want their things in the wrong way. (More things than they need without having to pay for them with allowance money or to wait for them.) And the fallout is unpleasant in countries all over the world; multiple studies have shown that materialism is correlated with higher levels of depression and anxiety and a range of ills from backaches to drug use.