The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money

by Ron Lieber

What it means for our kids is hundreds of dollars out of their early paychecks to pay for things that the government now requires (health insurance) and that are all but essential (retirement savings),

So allowance ought to stand on its own, not as a wage but as a teaching tool that gets sharper and more potent over a decade or so of annual raises and increasing responsibility.

Two years ago, their parents tried an experiment that many of us might want to emulate if we have the guts: They removed all of those time limits. The idea was that it was probably best for the boys to learn to regulate themselves while still under their parents’ watchful eyes and that these self-regulatory skills would help them with budgeting of all sorts, including money. “You should have seen the looks on their faces when we decided this,” Kasser recalled. Still, the boys knew the experiment would end if things got out of hand, so they set a timer themselves. Today, they no longer use it but still limit their game playing to that same 45 minutes give or take. “One of the best moments of my life as a parent was when my older son and I were sitting in the living room, and he thanked me for putting limits on his playing because so many of his friends were addicted to video games,” he said.

“To ignore the homeless guy is to teach [kids] to ignore other people who are hurting,” as Eileen and Jon Gallo put it in their book Silver Spoon Kids.

For those of us who don’t have a car to lug bags around in or commute by public transportation with our children, there are other things we can keep in our bags to give out. Protein bars or other compact, hardy, and nutrient-dense edibles are items that a child could hand to a person who is asking for help. Gift cards to discount stores or fast-food restaurants would work as well. The point is to have something we can always reach for that will make it easy to say yes to someone in need and will make most recipients feel good about the help we’re offering. Some people may turn down food or gift cards, so be ready to explain to a child why that might be and whether they want to give money instead, either to those individuals or to organizations that can help them.

Part-time jobs are correlated with high college expectations and good grade point averages so long as a teenager doesn’t work for more than 15 hours or so each week.

“And we’d explain that that’s why you have to go to college.” He and his wife also hoped that the kids would remember the hundreds of hours in the lifeguard chair and the untold number of toilets they’d scrubbed to collect that $15,000 when they were tempted to blow off class during their freshman

“symbolic deprivation.” The symbolism here refers to the fact that there is only so much that most of us are realistically going to change about whatever lives we’ve set up for our families. And in the context of sleepaway camp, this isn’t Chris Rock’s vision of Camp Kick-Ass. The deprivation isn’t so much about keeping children away from kids who are exactly like them or exposing them to those who are much different. Instead, it’s about reminding them that they don’t need air-conditioning, travel teams, electronic gadgets, or even electricity to enjoy themselves. In fact, the camps that have few to none of those amenities may provide some of the best perspective of all.