The Deeper the Water the Uglier the Fish

by Katya Apekina

After I kissed my father, I lost my mind.

It seemed impossible that a person could want something as much as I did and not get it, and yet here it was happening.

She’s holding a gun. No, of course not. Why would I think that? It’s the barrel of the camera.

ART IS NOT A SHIELD. IT IS A KNIFE.

YOU HAVE TO BLEED! Of course, she was right. I was not letting any of myself into the work. It was not expressing anything. It was just a way of making the world more manageable. I wasn’t ready then to bleed. That came later.