Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

People are selfish with their pain, but not their anger.

“I just don’t understand how I can feel so much after all this time and know he doesn’t feel anything at all.”

“Well, I was alone—alone in a way no human should ever be—and I needed just one person to ask me that question. I was surrounded by thousands of people, but I just needed one.

Instead of hanging on to the hope it could lead to more between us, I decided to believe him. Because the truth was, at that point, I wanted more, which was ridiculous. Despite his progress, the man was still a minefield. One wrong step and I knew I would never find all my pieces.

Some people go their whole lives without that type of connection. Wouldn’t you rather have it?

She’d been there to hold my hand and I’d practically burned hers when she needed mine.

There was no decision to make. He was worth it and so I nodded, giving him permission to break my heart.

“Exactly, because anxiety stems from emotion, it doesn’t listen to reason.”

I let it happen. She played a part too, but in the end, I’d given her every part of me. She knew my every side, the small details, and I knew hers. We shared the things that made us significant and I’d allowed it, knowing how much it would hurt to lose it.

She was my golden shore after the shipwreck that was my life and she’d loved me with her whole heart, only to let me break it.

She has my view and soon enough someone else will have my ocean.

Love stories aren’t always perfect. They can wreak havoc on the heart and distort the soul. I’d gotten lost in love and found the reality at the end of it where I lived in the truth. Not all love stories come with happy endings.

Was I too late? No, it could never be too late, no matter what the case and I was desperate enough to breach anything between us. Repaying the favor, no matter what it took, I would break down every wall she built, even if I helped to resurrect them. I would never love another woman, of that I was certain. My fate was in her hands and I would make it known. We had something time and geography couldn’t touch. Regardless of my mindset, fear scorched me everywhere making me nauseous.

You were happy, and I destroyed it with my selfish shit and now you’ve used it as an excuse to move on the wrong way and in the wrong direction.”

Sometimes what’s meant to be isn’t written in the stars, instead, it’s a journey on the path less traveled without a map of guidance, without certainty.