Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

“I mean, we are all just extras sipping coffee in the background of someone else’s life. But that could change at any second. If I wanted to, I could put my coffee down and become responsible for you. We are all responsible. We could all choose to take responsibility, couldn’t we? Human compassion. What the hell happened to that?”

“Where did he go, when he died, where did he go?”

“That’s the worst part,” I swallowed as the fear began to resurface, “we don’t know for sure. We don’t know, and even the truest of most faithful believers aren’t certain there’s a heaven or hell or just darkness. And if it’s just darkness, are we aware of it? We get to know nothing except that death is every single living creature’s fate. The thing I’m most afraid of in the world is the one thing that is inevitably going to happen to me and everyone I love. I get to know nothing else.”

My literal thoughts put into words by another. This part literally took my breath away, as I am terrified of dying, or more accurately, what comes after.

“Some days I feel like our creator is the cruelest with the rules and some days I can’t believe how amazing this world is. Ya know? It’s like here, enjoy this life while I give it to you but be careful because at any moment I can take it away and you don’t get to know what’s next. And then there’s religion and what if it’s wrong, or if it’s right and all the people who don’t believe have this horrible fate because they are realists and need proof?”

Again, I feel this on a soul deep level. 🥺

Even as I managed to get through our day, I still felt the dread course through my veins. I was thankful when I pulled up to my house and hit the pillow.

As if it could really be so easily executed by a person with generalized anxiety disorder on demand. As if it was that simplistic. Relax.

So much of this book hit me in my direct feelings.

“A majority of my anxiety comes from lack of control. I have to have things a certain way, not so much OCD but to the point where I know what will happen in my every day. I’m not a fan of surprises.

💯 percent accurate

“Everyone is a glass house, it’s up to you to decide who to give the rocks to.”

“Mom…” “Yes?” “I just want you to know I love you. And I’m a lucky bastard to have you as a mother.”