Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

But the feeling you got wrapped up in a good book, the perfect song, surrounded by candlelight could be repeated over and over.

In our short summer together, years ago, he’d poked fun at my sandals when I refused to take them off. As a six-year-old, I was convinced my few wardrobe staples in life would be my father’s Fruit of the Loom white T-shirts that fell below my knees, gold belt, and matching sandals. I had a thing for Greek mythology, especially Aphrodite and I hadn’t really grown out of it. I shrugged, looking down to admire my new sandals. “Some things don’t change.” “But some things do,” he said carefully, studying me closely in my spaghetti strap white sundress. The morning sun’s effect paled in comparison to the current of heat that swept through me as our eyes locked. Ian broke contact first, pulling a hammer from one of the bags on the porch. With the way he swung that hammer, I felt like I had my very own Greek deity, my own Sucellus in front of me.

THERE’S A NAME FOR HUMAN awareness and it’s called Sonder. The definition: the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground. It’s a pocket in time, where you may redefine life by the idea of the struggle of others.

watched him as he took a sip of my coffee. “Oh, man this brew could kill a horse.” “Like it?” “Hell yes.”

And so, I’m here living someone else’s life, in someone else’s house staring at someone else’s ocean.”

“Goodnight.” “Wait, Ian—” “Don’t invite me into your life, Koti, or your heart, or your bed because I’m a selfish man right now and I’ll take you up on it without a second thought. If you move a single inch closer to me, I’m going to fuck you. And as much as we both want that, we both don’t need it. I will use you and it’s not because I don’t think you’re beautiful, or intelligent or worth more. It’s because right now, I’m incapable of being anything other than the man that uses you. And because I do think you are worthy of better, I’m not going to let it happen. So, goodnight.”

“Explain? Here’s an explanation. When I was deployed, you fucked your ex-boyfriend and you had a fight or better yet, let me guess, he dumped you. So instead of telling him he’s a father knowing he would be a dead-beat dad, you decided to tell your devoted soldier you were pregnant two days before he was set to re-enlist because he would do the honorable thing. Did I miss anything?” “It was a mistake, one I regret every day.” “A mistake that you decided to let me pay for. And now that we’re clearing the air, maybe it’s time I told you something.”

“I never loved you. Not the way I should have. After a few years, your charms wore off and I realized then I was stuck in a marriage I didn’t want. In fact, I grew to despise you as the years passed. You were annoying and needy and didn’t have a selfless bone in your body. You weren’t the kind of woman I could respect, let alone truly and deeply love. I spent years suffering at your hand because of my love for a daughter that wasn’t mine. But here’s the thing, you conniving bitch, you can’t change her love for me. You can’t twist it or turn it or direct it toward Daniel, no matter what you do. If you want to tell Ella, be my guest; but if you do, you’ll get exactly what you deserve, her hatred. And she won’t love Daniel more. He has to earn her love and affection the way I had to for the whole of her life. I dare you to try to piss away at the years I’ve built being a father, but let me repeat myself so we’re clear. You will never, ever ruin what’s between us. Ella and I are what true love is supposed to be. She and I were the best thing to come out of our marriage and it had nothing to do with you.”

“She trained me well. She said she always wanted her children considerate more than any other characteristic.”

Some sort of understanding crossed his features as his eyes slowly raked over me, leaving nothing untouched. A breath passed between us and turned into two and then three until the static between us became too much to handle. I opened my mouth to speak but found myself weak with want. Ian beat me to the punch. “I’m sorry.” I took a step back as he caged me on my porch. “For what?” “For what I’m about to do to you.” In an instant his lips were covering mine, my small moan of surprise was cut short by his tongue. All too easily, I wrapped around him as he opened the door behind us carrying me in. I moaned as his lips found my neck and I clawed at his shoulders through his T-shirt. “Are you on birth control?” His voice was pure sex. “Yes,” I hissed as his fingers dug into my waist when he slammed me into the wall of my hallway and ground his thick cock into my center.

When I opened the door, they all gasped in unison. At the time I took the reservation and spoke to Kelli, I wanted to make sure she got the best rental we had. She had just survived her second round of chemo and deserved the oasis she was about to spend a week in. The tears that shimmered in her eyes as she assessed her piece of the island did it all for me. She lifted a grateful gaze to mine before she raced out onto the marble porch at the back of the house and tackled her husband, who had already covered half of the top floor. His smile matched hers and in a simple maneuver he gripped her from his back and pulled her tightly to him. Excited whispers were exchanged between them as he held her like his lifeline and his eyes conveyed everything he felt for her. My chest swelled with admiration while another part of me rejoiced in their excitement.

“Are you feeling better?” “Yes, much.” “You have beautiful lips.” “Thank you.” “Get over here and put them on my cock.”

He slipped his shorts down enough so his ready cock sprang free. He was so hard, pre-cum dripped from the tip. He took it in his hand and pumped a few times as I found myself gravitating toward it. “You’re serious?” “It’s sex and no one tops me in the bedroom, Koti, ever.” He wiped the tip of his dick with a finger and held it out for me. “Come here.” I sank to my knees on the carpet looking up at his bedroom eyes. The man turned me on like no other. “I’m going to need a view, Miss Vaughn. Taking his cue, I unhooked my bikini top. “Now, that’s a view.” I was dripping. My eyes half closed with arousal as I sucked his finger eagerly before I moved to brace myself above him, one hand on the couch the other gripping his thick dick. I was just about to wrap my lips around him when he spoke. “Do a good job, and I’ll make sure you benefit.”

“Adam was worth it. Did you know your brother is seeing a waitress at a bar called The Hooters?” I chuckled. “It’s just Hooters, Mom. No ‘The’ before it.” “He won’t let us meet her. We offered to go. I think your dad and I might pop in as a surprise.” “I’m pretty sure Dad will enjoy it.” “Really, do they serve good food?” “The best,” I said, smiling. Adam was about to be humiliated.

he pushed at my chest, “lean back against the house, I want to see those beautiful tits bounce as I fuck you.”

“Kissing you feels like a free fall, touching you makes me ache, and being inside you is so damn addicting. I’ll miss that, and our talks, our friendship.

Though I knew I loved him before he left, I didn’t realize how deep it ran. I didn’t realize the extent of my love or how hard I would love him, or how much it would break me to lose his daily affection. I didn’t realize how his presence would linger in my house or how I would forever sleep on the opposite side of the bed waiting for him to return to his side.

Love stories aren’t always perfect. They can wreak havoc on the heart and distort the soul. I’d gotten lost in love and found the reality at the end of it where I lived in the truth. Not all love stories come with happy endings.

Sometimes what’s meant to be isn’t written in the stars, instead, it’s a journey on the path less traveled without a map of guidance, without certainty.