Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

“Tell me she’s mine, Tara,” I croaked, my face soaked, my heart obliterated. “Don’t do this to me. Please, I’m begging you. If you ever loved me at all, tell me she’s mine.”

People are selfish with their pain, but not their anger.

My brain didn’t bother to tell my hand to stop when I drew wet sand from the beach and formed it into a ball, my limbs didn’t bother to slow at all as I tossed it full force at the back of his head.

I had a ready middle finger stretched out in front of me, the only sign I knew before I stomped back to my Jeep.

I wanted her and that was dangerous. I was in no position to offer her anything at all.

She was sleeping with him. I was sure of it. Lucky bitch.

I was surrounded by thousands of people, but I just needed one. And I decided I wanted to be that person for you. Because I do want to know. Because I am worried for you and about you. Because you deserve to have that question asked. So, Ian, are you okay?”

“Okay, well what I saw in those eyes of yours the day you got here is the worst pain I’ve ever witnessed, Ian Kemp. And it’s everybody’s job, isn’t it?”

“And what if… what if that person sipping coffee in the background of your life, what if they,” he said pausing to take another sip, “are the next chapter?”

“This place,” he said low before shifting his gaze to mine, “I never really appreciated how beautiful it was until now.”

“I would go get her, but I’m allergic.” “And full of shit. You are a terrible liar and that’s a wonderful thing, Koti.”

The thing I’m most afraid of in the world is the one thing that is inevitably going to happen to me and everyone I love.

We were both matches on an island of fire and couldn’t be helped. For us, our ashes were all there was left to work with.

And so, I’m here living someone else’s life, in someone else’s house staring at someone else’s ocean.”

“Don’t invite me into your life, Koti, or your heart, or your bed because I’m a selfish man right now and I’ll take you up on it without a second thought. If you move a single inch closer to me, I’m going to fuck you. And as much as we both want that, we both don’t need it. I will use you and it’s not because I don’t think you’re beautiful, or intelligent or worth more. It’s because right now, I’m incapable of being anything other than the man that uses you. And because I do think you are worthy of better, I’m not going to let it happen. So, goodnight.”

“She trained me well. She said she always wanted her children considerate more than any other characteristic.”

I took you for granted even before I left your side. I didn’t stare long enough, I didn’t kiss you long enough,

I opened my mouth to speak but found myself weak with want. Ian beat me to the punch. “I’m sorry.” I took a step back as he caged me on my porch. “For what?” “For what I’m about to do to you.”

“Clair de Lune” by Debussy.”

His illicit whispers lit my skin on fire. “I’ll be at your mercy anywhere but in the bedroom.”

“Would you go already? They’re definitely going to know I was fucking you, now.”

He reached out and gripped my hand. “Everyone is a glass house, it’s up to you to decide who to give the rocks to.”

“I thought about the feel of your lips, my tongue in your mouth, my cock stretching you, the look in your eyes as I invaded you. I thought about sucking your tits while I buried myself deep enough, so you would never forget I was inside you. I thought about your ass and how red it could get under my palm. At night as I lay in bed, I thought about nothing but you. I’m so fucking hard for you right now it physically hurts, and I just had you hours ago.”

Leaning in, he pushed the hair away from my ear as he whispered the rest of his seduction. “And even though I’ve had you, I’ve touched your skin, and buried myself so far inside you that you won’t forget, you’re still a dream for me, so beautiful it hurts.”

“It’s my respect for your father and nothing more.”

“You have no idea what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning while life goes on around you, while people smile like they don’t have a care in the world, while you’re struggling to breathe!

“what’s inside of you is a heart that is dying to live, and your head is too afraid to let you do it fully, the way you deserve. It’s the most tragic thing I’ve ever seen. You’re a prisoner of your own making.”

Ella picked up on the chemistry. “You two are more than friends. When are you going to break it to me?”

“I’ll never forget the way you looked that day, you took the breath right out of my body.”

“I remember every detail including the swish of your skirt when you got out of the SUV. I thought about nothing but smearing that lipstick for months.”

“Koti, that little girl’s first sign was daddy, and it meant everything to me. I’ve been there for every single step, every hurt, every heartbreak, every milestone—she’s my whole fucking life.”

He shrugged. “Things happen the way they are supposed to happen, nothing you can do.”

Ziggy Marley sang “Drive”

“See, I’m of the belief that if there is a creator so divine, he wouldn’t have the capacity to be so cruel to those he created.”

Her eyes watered as she looked at me for the truth. “This is an asteroid, isn’t it?”

Tumultuous gray eyes burned through me as he leaned in. “I choose the hard way.”

I’ll miss your bubble, Koti because that’s where I want to be, where I want to stay.

“And because I’m a complete masochist, I can’t help but mention I’ve fallen madly in love with you.”

He gripped the sides of my face. “I’m late, but I’m here.

“Please,” he said, his eyes overflowing with love. “Baby, please be honest with me. I’m begging you. Be honest with me now before I do as you ask and walk out that door.”

“I was a shitty boyfriend, but I’ll be a better husband.”

“You. Are. Mine,” he whispered fiercely, as he signed slow and with the same emphasis.

You are a reflection of me. And you will never be replaced.”

I’m your father, your Dad, forever. Don’t be afraid of this change, of this baby, or of losing an ounce of my love. Don’t be afraid of anything, because you are mine.”

“We are forever, Ella, nothing or no one can or will ever change that.

“I never wanted her to know.” “Ian, she’s lived with it for a while. She just needed to hear from you what she already knew, that it doesn’t matter.”

“Ian, how lucky are we to have met at all?” “Coming from different worlds, we had so many chances to miss each other.”