Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

As starlight struck the water and twilight hit, I couldn’t see the beauty. I couldn’t fixate on the awe-inspiring light, I only saw the darkness in-between.

Decades of life separated the two of us and I was more curious than ever of what his years held.

Lost in his eyes, in the hurt they held, in the clench of his jaw, and the answer to his pain on his un-telling lips, he whispered to me. “I can’t say those things.”

The way he undressed me with his eyes, not only to my bare skin but deeper, had me squirming where I stood.

The thing I’m most afraid of in the world is the one thing that is inevitably going to happen to me and everyone I love. I get to know nothing else.”

I could not have Ian Kemp, it didn’t matter if I wanted to love him or not.

“She is beautiful, Koti, but you are so much more,” he whispered,

“But I’m going to tell you how beautiful I think you are and what you do to me.” He inched forward, his breath hitting my neck as he spoke low. “Before you let me, and even though I was angry, I thought about touching you every day for a month. You were a dream.” He pressed his lips against my neck and I let out a soft moan. “The most perfect dream,” he whispered. “I thought about the feel of your lips, my tongue in your mouth, my cock stretching you, the look in your eyes as I invaded you. I thought about sucking your tits while I buried myself deep enough, so you would never forget I was inside you. I thought about your ass and how red it could get under my palm. At night as I lay in bed, I thought about nothing but you. I’m so fucking hard for you right now it physically hurts, and I just had you hours ago.”

“And even though I’ve had you, I’ve touched your skin, and buried myself so far inside you that you won’t forget, you’re still a dream for me, so beautiful it hurts.” We

“The point is—I don’t believe in miracles, but I’m falling for mine.”

“Every time I see you, I feel so relieved. Like I’d been living in some sort of dream and then I come back and you’re here,” he put my hand over his chest, “and I can breathe again.”

“This is the best I’ve ever felt,” he whispered, “ever.”

“Kissing you feels like a free fall, touching you makes me ache, and being inside you is so damn addicting.

I wanted to be with the woman whose smiles lit up my soul, whose voice soothed the bullshit, whose heart was made of flesh and gold. I wanted to whisper to her that I love her every night before she drifted to sleep. To be her comfort when she got nervous. I wanted to ease her mind and make her laugh, make her come, make her mine. But that was the selfish part of me who still brimmed with anger about a life I didn’t get to choose. The

“I still can’t regret it. You are the true love of my life. You should know that.”

“The stars are back, Ian, because of you, they’re back. I don’t see them the same way. Do you still want to be here?”

I found the one person in the world who understood me and loved me wholly as I was.

Love stories aren’t always perfect. They can wreak havoc on the heart and distort the soul. I’d gotten lost in love and found the reality at the end of it where I lived in the truth. Not all love stories come with happy endings.

“You could stop lying, not have tears in your eyes, not be searching for my lips to kiss you and itching for me to reach out and touch you. I see it all because I know you that well. I watched you and worshipped you for the best months of my life. I know what you need because I loved giving it to you and I will touch you the way you need me to and kiss you the way you want me to, but I need you to stop lying to me… right now.”

I love you. I need you. I want that beautiful dream back. I can’t live without you. I tried, and I hated it. I’ll be there when you make mistakes, when you hurt, when you’re scared. I’ll be there. I’ll marry you. I’ll want children with you. We can live anywhere you want. I’m lost without my love. I need you back. Tell me what to do. If you don’t want words, tell me what you want. Please. Please. Please.

“I know you still love me because I can feel it. I can feel it no matter how hard you’re trying to fight it. I can feel your need for me, just like you feel mine. We’re still in love, and I know we always will be. You are worthy of love and a life fuller than you can ever imagine. You’re my best friend and I miss you. I miss laughing with you, I miss talking to you, I miss filling you with my cock and hearing your beautiful moans, I miss eating late at night in front of the fridge door, swimming naked and waking up together covered in sand. I miss fighting with you because making up feels so fucking good. I miss the Koti who can’t stop laughing when she’s had too much wine, I miss the way you hug my daughter with your eyes closed because you mean it. I miss the turned-on sounds you make when you’re reading your romance novels.”

“I’ll be your reason, let our son or daughter be your reason and they will be worth it, I promise you. I promise you.”

“I was a shitty boyfriend, but I’ll be a better husband.”