Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved (Self-Compassion Book 3)

by Yong Kang Chan

Shane is one of my students and he has no motivation to study. After talking with him for a few weeks, I realized he has an inner conflict. Part of him (the inner parent) wants to study and follow his parents’ wishes, but there is also a part of him (the inner child) that wants to rebel and not do well on his examinations. His inner conflict resembles the conflict he has with his parents. Shane is an active child and he has ADHD. He has a flair for sports, especially basketball. But his mom wants him to study hard and work in an office. Shane has no motivation to study because getting good grades means that he will end up in administrative office work, something he doesn’t want. This isn’t the first time he has felt this way. Previously, he didn’t do too well in his primary school examinations, but his parents forced him to get into a better program even though his score barely qualified him for the better program. Shane told me that he regrets doing so well on his exams. He said that if he had gotten one or two marks lower, he wouldn’t have to face so much pressure now. In his mind, he has all the reasons necessary to sabotage himself. If he fails his examination, his parents will not be able to force him to work in the office and he will get to do what he wants. Hence, he chooses to not pay attention in class and makes no effort to study. You might think it’s silly for Shane to think this way. But he wasn’t aware that a part of him was sabotaging his effort until we talk...