Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved (Self-Compassion Book 3)

by Yong Kang Chan

If you have a friend who is twenty or thirty years older than you, they don’t tell you what to do. They are not disappointed when you don’t listen to their advice. Perhaps in some Asian countries, they might. But even if they do, you don’t feel a need to obey them. They have no power over you unless they are your superiors at work. But the relationship between our parents and us is different. We are overly identified as their children, and they are overly identified as our parents. We have grown from being dependent to independent, so you would expect the adult-child relationship to evolve into an adult-adult relationship. But no, it doesn’t. Our parents still want us to be dependent on them, consciously or unconsciously. In a way, there is some pride attached to being a parent and someone who knows more than their children. Many parents find it difficult to accept that their children have grown up and are capable of making their own decisions. Acceptance could mean the loss of power, control, and the feeling of worthiness that can be derived from being needed and depended on. For parents who see their children as an extension of themselves, they might feel as though they have lost one of their possessions or control over a part of themselves that they value. It’s even worse for sick and aging parents because they are forced to depend on their children and this really hurts the ego.