Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved (Self-Compassion Book 3)

by Yong Kang Chan

Some thought that by being obedient, more helpful, or more successful, their parents would finally give them the approval and love they desire.

Ideally, parents should adjust their parenting

style as their children grow and change. Dealing with an infant is different than dealing with a five-year-old, and relating to a teen is different than relating to a child who has become an adult.

Subconsciously, they criticize us, control our actions, or offer unsolicited opinions to keep us at a level that is familiar to them, and so they don’t have to change.

them. If you want to have a better relationship with your parents, it’s easier to change yourself from within than to try and “fix” them.

When Betty makes a mistake, her parents sit down with her and try to help her understand what she could have done better.

I hadn’t allowed myself to process my emotions properly.

The pain is buried deep down inside our subconscious, where is it well-protected by the inner parent. It’s like putting a bandage on an untreated wound. I’ve been removing layers and layers of protection without realizing that the wound is still unhealed under the bandage. When I’m close to removing the last layer of the bandage, I can see the pain that I have been ignoring for so long and I am scared of my rising, intense emotions.

On the surface, we appear to feel disappointed and bitter. We tried so hard to please them and change their opinions of us, but nothing seemed to work. At the core of us, there is a deep pain because our parents never accepted us, even though we have looked to them for love and approval since we were quite young.

After all, they spent so many years and so much money raising you. Your accusations will cause them to feel betrayed. They probably see themselves as good parents, or at least decent ones. Their egos will not let them believe they are capable of doing something that hurts their child. To accept the blame is as good as killing the good parental image they have of themselves.

If you treat them as individuals who are here to teach you something valuable, your relationship with them will naturally improve. However, if you treat them like enemies or someone to get love from, then you will continue to suffer.

I can do both