Something in the Way (Something in the Way, #1)

by Jessica Hawkins

Nothing should get in her way, especially not someone like me who had no steady job, a murky past, and little more than what fit in a bedroom.

There was a pretty good chance I could be good for Tiffany, and an even better one I’d be bad for Lake.

She was part of the side of him that lived in shadows—a secret, but not just any secret. One that belonged to Manning, one I wanted to keep for him.

There are different versions, but Altair and Vega represent lovers from different sides of a river—or the Milky Way. They married behind their parents’ backs and her father punished them by keeping them apart.”

They were only allowed to be together once a year, the seventh night of the seventh month. The Japanese have a whole festival in July. There was no bridge, so, as long as the night was clear and it wasn’t raining, birds would carry Vega across the river to Altair for that one night.”

I’d learned about star-crossed lovers in English class. Maybe that’s where the term came from. People would try to keep me and Manning apart because of our age difference, but we had this—the stars, the lovers, the night.

It was a promise. No matter what, the story would only ever be about us.

I looked at his mouth. I had dreamed of it, the things it couldn’t tell me, of his lips, which couldn’t kiss me. We were alone, finally. He had told me in so many words, one day, we would cross the river to each other.

“And you’re going to do and be great things. You’ll fly far, Birdy. See places most of us never will.” He moved my hair behind my ear. “I’m counting on it.”

I didn’t want to fly without Manning. I was content to stay here on the ground with him, learning of the stars, but he sat up, forcing me to do the same. We got to our feet.

I still hadn’t figured out the Summer Triangle. There wasn’t even a cloud in the sky—I just couldn’t find the stars.

It wasn’t fair. I’d seen him first. I’d had him first. But was I losing him? Was I losing him to Tiffany?

She was crystal clear to me, as was everything around her. Scenery was more beautiful.

I wanted a few more minutes with her. No sneaking around. No checking over my shoulder. Finally, just her and me, not doing anything wrong, just being.

She thought I could save her. The truth was, if I wanted to or not, I couldn’t protect her from everything.

As a child, I’d been warned by my mom against looking directly at an eclipse. I feared the same was true for Lake.

How did I come off to others when I looked at her? As captivated as I felt? Adoring? Enamored?

The difference between Lake and every other person I’d come across the past eight years was that it felt as if her goodness could actually be enough to heal my ugliness.

To fill the hole in me. I wanted to tell her. Knowing what I’d been through meant knowing me better than anyone since Maddy.

I wanted to say come here and wipe her tears. Hold her until she understood she was still safe, and I wasn’t mad.

But there was more to her tonight, there always had been. The look she gave me, as if she could sense me responding to her small tits and pink mouth. Those gaping shorts.

Her sugary breath became mine. It was so easy to forget everything else with her around. Being close to her didn’t feel wrong. I could just sink into it, didn’t have to be cautious like I did with other people, as if I knew on some level she’d protect me.

She’d care for me.

That fucking dangerous, black water. I was no better than it, drowning her, taking what wasn’t mine, turning beautiful things ugly.

understand why we can’t be together right now, but I can wait.”

I’d watched Manning go off with my sister more than once. I’d fought to keep my hand from wandering over to his while he’d told me this was our story.

“Wait for me, too,” I said.

He couldn’t tell me we’d be together one day, but he had to know the truth. You can’t move the stars. Manning and I were inevitable.

We’d almost gone too far. Getting wrapped up in Manning, belonging to him—I didn’t see how it could ever be far enough.

For the first time since Manning and I had met, my feelings felt validated. Maybe Manning couldn’t say how he felt, but it’d been there in his eyes, his touch.

Nobody could compare to Manning. He was a bear in the mountains. My great bear. One day he’d be mine; I already felt that he was, I just couldn’t say it. But he knew. I knew.

Sometimes we let friends and family dictate our state of mind. When you wake up tomorrow, even though you’ll be home, continue this practice of being grateful for what you have, and for the gift of the day to come. Be calm. Be grateful.”

Manning and I needed Tiffany, but at the same time, there was no denying—she was also in the way.

Lake was untouchable. I’d make sure it stayed that way.

A week ago, I’d been on a horse, hugging Manning’s middle while the sun warmed us, inhaling the scent of pine trees-and-Manning with every breath. He’d helped me conquer my fear, but he’d also taught me something about myself.

I had no control over Manning and me, and I never really had. Whatever choices I’d made that night, they’d led us here, but that wasn’t me being in control. That was my selfishness.

I’d pushed and pushed Manning, trying to get him to see me differently. To want me. To love me. This was my fault. I had to show up for Manning, no matter what happened; it was the only thing I could control in this moment.