The advice I gave to all my girlfriends—advice I had not followed myself—was to start out the way you want to end up. I started out trying so hard to be perfect, which I defined as accommodating. My mother used to see me doing that, and she’d say to me, “You know, you’re not actually that nice. Stop pretending that you are, because Bobby’s going to be lulled into thinking you’re a pushover, and eventually you’re going to get tired of playing house.” And she was right. People often start out relationships acting like this ideal version of what they think the other person wants, but it’s not
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